Okay guys, this is a guide on how to decorate your dorm room. I know most of you out there don’t need this, but for the select few that think it is okay to have a huge picture of Kenny Chesney on your wall, I am here.
Okay, as mentioned above, any poster depicting a non-manly man must come down. Toby Keith is cool; Keith Urban is not. If there is a picture of a band whose members paint their fingernails, take it down. Replace with a single Chuck Norris poster. Be careful not to have more than one likeness of Chuck Norris in your room, else you will wake up bloody and covered in shredded poster-paper.
Don’t pin pictures of the girl-back-home to your wall. Place them in a nice frame so that when she visits, she can appreciate how you like to look at her face every day. Also, when you bring home that girl from your Human Systems class, it is easily removed from sight with a quick swipe of the arm.
Don’t leave bongs, empty condom wrappers, and crushed beer cans littered about. If your R.A. or girl-back-home comes in without you having a chance to clean up, you could be in for some trouble. Especially if your R.A. is a tightass, or your girlfriend is allergic to latex.
When it comes to your bed, three pillows or less. That's one for you, one for her, and one for her back after you break it. Also, make sure you have two separate sets of sheets: one set for actual sleeping, and one set for sexy time. Women like really soft sheets, so spend the extra couple bucks for satin or some other pretty shit.
This concludes "How To Decorate Your Dorm Room." Enjoy the newfound manliness that inhabits your room, and tell that girl from Human Systems to call me.