This week's requisite Megan Fox photos are brought to you by the letters T, C, and A, and the number… Damnit! Did you forget to watch the Teen Choice Awards this past week? Don't worry, so did everybody else over the age of 12. You didn't miss anything big though. Not something like Miley Cryus pole dancing on an ice cream cart. Oh, wait, yeah, that did happen. Crazy parents are getting upset about the sexualized performance of the Disney star, but obviously they're the creepy ones. I mean, how can anything being done on an ice cream cart be sexual? Next they're going to say that selling Hannah Montana cherries is sexual. That would just be silly. (Popoholic, Celebridiot, Dlisted)

In nipple news, Jessica Stroup and Shenae Grimes have got us (un)covered. Who are those people? Trick question. Nipples. (Popoholic, Egotastic)

Oh hey, here's something: Channing Tatum used to be a stripper. Can you believe that? He used to put himself in front of strangers and let them oggle him while he danced. Thank god he saved himself from that life of objectification and became an actor. Alexis Bledel can tell you. She played a strong, smart female character and now she commands the respect of ev— Hey, actually, can you hoist the leather corset so it kind of smushes your boobs? Perfect. (WWTDD, Egotastic)

One of the Kardashian sisters that isn't Kim is pregnant. Now, I know what you're thinking: who gives a crap? But hear me out. To bring new life into the world and mold new minds, it's beautiful really. Britney Spears can tell you all about how your heart just swells when you hear your baby, your miracle, go on his first cussing tirade. (Celebridiot, Celebslam)

Remember how Billy Mays was a really enthusiastic and animated infomercial spokesman? His autopsy can tell you why. I'll give you a hint: his favorite white powder wasn't OxyClean. (WWTDD)

Quick reminder: Angelina Jolie still knows how to rock a leather dress. (Popoholic)

Right off the heels of the Saved By the Bell Reunion talks, the infamous cast of Full House, excuse me, the not famous cast of Full House got together to do one better: they all signed a giant bra. Wait, what? (Dlisted)

Cameron Douglas, Michael Douglas' son and Kirk Douglas' grandson, was arrested for attempting to sell a lot of meth to a cop. It's not his fault though. It's the system. Sometimes kids just fall through the cracks and have to turn to a life of crime. They have no other choice. Except, you know, to live with their father and Catherine Zeta-Jones in a mansion in Barbados, but, Barbados this time of year? Ugh. (Dlisted)

Heather Graham is super, super hot. And—I'm about to blow your mind here—she's 39. This is what 39 can look like in a bikini. This is what 15 can look like. THE UNIVERSE HAS NO RULES! Hold on, yes it does: wear sunscreen. (Egotastic, Celebslam)

Quick reminder: Heidi and Spencer are still the most annoying people in the world. (Celebslam)

Proving that he really can't hear anything over the roaring volume of his self-absorbed inner monologue, Dane Cook tried to cut the line to see the midnight showing of Harry Potter. Apparently he thought that that would fly. It only took a few hundred uber-nerds to change his mind. Douchius Totalus. (Celebslam)

Seven words: Bar Refaeli Sports Illustrated bikini pictures preview. And you thought Jews couldn't be sexy…. (Egotastic)

This week's Still Got It was a close one. I almost went with Greedo, but, in the end, I've got to give it to Jabba. (Dlisted, Celebslam)

Before you go, let me leave you with one last thing: Photoshop this. (Celebslam)