"Muscle weighs more than fat" – This has gotto be the stupidest shit I heard since the band HelloGoodbye. Has apound ever weighed more than a pound? I rest my case.

"A penny saved is a penny earned" – You already earned it, so how issaving it going to earn it again? Good God Ben Franklin, the lighteningmust have screwed up your brain

"The customer is always right" – What about when the customer saysyou should go to hell? What about when the customer says he wants tobuy the shotgun you are selling to shoot you in the head? What aboutwhen the customer says that you and your company are a bunch of fuckheads that don't know what they are doing? The customer is usuallyVERY VERY wrong.

"Pain is weakness leaving the body" – Try telling that to people with arthritis and multiple sclerosis. You asshole.

"An apple a day keeps the doctor away" – Now most people know thisis bullshit almost intuitively. But do you know why it is bullshit?Because appleseeds, though not necessarily apples, are a shit-load of arsenic which accumulates in your heart and causes coronaryinfarction. Yeah, go to hell Johnny Appleseed.

"When the going gets tough, the tough get going" – Now afterwatching Urigrow commercials about bladder issues, I think this is amildly flawed assertion

"Look on the bright side" – Ever tried telling this to a person whojust went blind and now hates their life? Yeah. I didn't think so. Thisis a total bullshit.

"Love conquers all" – Except an unplanned pregnancy.

"Shoot for the moon and even if you miss you will land among thestars" – Of course, Apollo 13 tried this and they did land among thestars but in case you don't already know they were scared shitless.

"Put your money where your mouth is" – I tried this once and it looked weird because I put my money in my back-pocket

"Nice guys finish last" – Sorry, nice guys are never even in the competition. They are our water boys.

"Trust your instincts" – My instincts, being pretty much masculine,tell me to screw a lot of women and drink beer. Sounds like a good planto me

"Beggars can't be choosers" – Sure they can. They choose exactly who they beg to.

"If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all"- This is a great policy if you are talking to grandma. But in the realworld, I don't think this would fly at a business meeting.

"Every journey begins with the first step" – What if I am trying to recuperate from a bone shattering leg injury?

"A dog is a man's best friend" – Is that why they shit all over myyard and hump my leg? I have some friends who do that on occasion butthey are usually pretty drunk. Dogs have absolutely no excuses.

"Diamond's are a girl's best friend" – No. My wallet is.

"If you don't play you will never win" (often said about thelottery) – While that may be true, I will also never lose and who wantsto lose?

"Live every day like it's your last" – I don't want to write my willover again every single day. Plus those goodbye calls get reallyawkward after you have done them a few times.