Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
Issue One Hundred and Twenty-Three
August 27, 2009
In adequately sharp definition!
The Moon landing was a hoax. It was actually Mars. We didn't want to brag.
I wasn't a bad wrestler because I lost matches or I couldn't make weight. It was the uncontrollable farting whenever I got pinned.
I just found out my dad was a huge stud in college. Apparently he banged both the girls across the hall from me during Parents' Day.
Z, the last letter in the alphabet, indicates sleep when there are many. Zzzzz. A, the first letter, indicates being very awake. Aaaaaaa!!!
Rule of Thumb
It's not a finger.
"Don't You (Forget About Me)" by Simple Minds was a song made for the film "The Breakfast Club," the entire cast of which was forgotten.
-All Royalty Studios
Whenever you see someone driving a Corvette or any other expensive car the immediate reaction is "Wow that guy must have a small dick." But whenever I drive my scooter around for some reason no one assumes I'm hung.
Using Draino is like throwing money down the drain.
I don't buy Welch's grape juice. I'm always afraid that the company will send goons to take it back.
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