It's been an entire week since your last confession and there's been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don't forget to submit your misdeeds to our submission page!
Jeff R., WMU
Freshman year, my roommate and I met online over the previous summer and decided to room together. She turned out to be a selfish, spoiled b*tch who thought she could get whatever she wanted. Every time she would find trash on the floor that she thought wasn't hers, she would throw it into my laundry and on my bed and behind my bed. I wasn't allowed to turn the light on in the morning to get ready or stay on my computer at night after she went to bed. She used to talk sh*t to all of my friends about embarrassing things to make me look bad. For example, she would tell everyone how disgusting I was because I passed gas once (eh, it happens) when she openly farted constantly and wore miniskirts so you could see her butt even though she was disgusting, zitty and fat. Anyways, she used to have really bad acne that she would pop ALL over my mirror, and when I'd go to use my mirror there would be zit juice all over it
my entire reflection was speckled. It was thoroughly disgusting. My payback for all of this? Well first of all I'd hook-up on her bed when she wasn't in the room because she could never get any and complained about it constantly, and every day I'd take her pillowcase and clean off her zit sh*t off my mirror right where she put her face. Every day. She never found out about any of it and it still amuses me two years later every time I see her and smile and wave hello.
Brit Y, UMass
I had a roommate I knew from high school who seemed like a good choice since I really didn't want to room with a random person freshmen year. Unfortunately he turned out to be an anti beer Nazi and actually chewed me out like he was my mom just because there was some beer in the fridge. He was an overall asshole too, always asking for money and drinking pop I bought thinking it was "the rooms pop" and not buying any to replace it. After mid semester I was tired of his bullshit so I applied to room with a friend at another dorm. We were accepted and as soon as I could I moved the hell out taking the TV, fridge, games, food, music, phone and all he had left were his clothes. Then once a week for a couple months in the middle of the night I would piss right in front of his dorm room door making sure most of it seeped under. It felt great that each week his dorm would smell like piss and I was friends with his floor's RA so for awhile there was nothing he could do about it but clean it.
Jeff Austin, University of Illinois Springfield
Freshman year I lived in the dorms with my best friend. Two weeks or so into our first semester he got drunk and had a one night stand with this girl in the dorm next to ours. He woke up the next morning to find her gone and his clothes missing. He decided she must have stolen his clothes and as an act of revenge shat in her bed. He put on her bathrobe and walked to the elevator in time to see her come out with his clothes neatly folded. She told him, "I washed your clothes for you! They were gross after you threw up all over yourself last night." He told her thanks and to cal him. She never called.
Tyler Lane, Virginia Tech
My freshman year in college (20 years ago) one of my suitemates, Frank, would get trashed nearly every night. It became so bad that his name became a verb, as in "Let's go get 'franked' tonight". He'd pass out in the suite or the bathroom and puke or piss everywhere. Even when he was sober he was a complete douche. Pretty soon we all got sick of it. The next time he came back from drinking he passed out as usual on the sofa in the common room. His girlfriend showed up mad as hell because Frank had just hooked up with one of her sorority sisters. She wanted revenge, I offered a solution. Every hair on his body was shaved off (we left his head alone because he already had a buzzcut but we did Nair his shampoo bottle). He was a big, hairy Italian guy so there was a lot of trimming to be done. His arms, his legs, his chest, eyebrows, everything was shaved with a razor. To cap it off, his girlfriend shaved his nuts (in 1989 there was no such thing as "man-scaping", even girls didn't trim much). He was as clean as the day he was born. She also complained that he had a small dick so I let her use my Polaroid to take plenty of pictures to show her friends. The next day he wakes ups and staggers into the bathroom. About 20 seconds later this unholy scream eminates from the toilet. Frank comes running out with his pants at his ankles freaking out because, in his words, "My balls are bald!" He was convinced he had an STD. It took him awhile to realize everything else was shaved too. The best thing was that he was a hurting puppy over the next month as the hair was growning back and he itched like a flea-ridden dog.rnrnNone of us ever admitted it and neither did his girlfriend who then left him. She then took the polaroids and posted them in every sorority house showing all the girls his small dick. He transferred at the end of the semester.
John O., School Not Given
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