Bill, a paunchy middle-aged man, eats breakfast with his young, thin wife Mandy.
Bill: Maybe I'll finally clean out the rain gutters this weekend.
Mandy: Right, and I'll do cartwheels on the moon!
Laugh track plays. Their wacky neighbor DONALDSON enters to wild applause.
Donaldson: So! I've entered the marathon. You gonna be my training partner, buddy?
Mandy: Nice try. The only running Bill does is towards a cherry pie! (Laugh track plays.) And the only miles he sees are on his belt loop! (Laugh track plays even louder!)
Bill: You know Mandy, that really hurts my feelings. Your incessant digs about my weight are putting a massive strain on an already shaky marriage.
Mandy: Uh I thought the only thing undergoing a massive strain was the seat of your jeans! (Laugh track plays quietly.)
Bill: Have you asked yourself why you feel the need to hide behind jokes and communicate with passive-aggression?
Mandy: Well excuse me! Do you think I wanted to get married to a chunky, ambitionless plumber? I have a B.A. in art history!
Donaldson: Oooh baby, it's getting serious in here. Bill, buddy, if you change your mind, I'll be on the track. It's gonna be a heck of a 'thon!
Bill: And you, Donaldson. You've been a trusted neighbor and friend for 2 years, plus summer reruns. Yet your antics have gotten my car towed, my boss on the verge of firing me twice, and I had to have my stomach pumped in the episode where I ate your homemade blood sausage. Do you feel no remorse about the major inconveniences you've caused me what feels like every single week?
Bill: You two are awful excuses for a wife and friend, and I'm not going to take it anymore!
Mandy: Bill, no!
Donaldson: Don't say it!
Bill: I'm going to do my own spin-off!
Mandy and Donaldson gasp in horror.
Bill: Maybe I'll take a road trip to the Southwest for my dad's funeral and meet lots of quirky characters who become regular customers in the barbeque joint I open in Dad's memory! Or maybe I'll find a daughter I didn't know I had and we'll have to learn to reconnect, and I'll be humorously overprotective when she starts dating! The sky's the limit without you dead-weights.
Donaldson: But what will we do without you?
Bill:(pointing to Donaldson) Find a group of aging low-level drunks to sit on a bench with you and make sarcastic commentary about your small town, and (pointing to Mandy) try to find love over 40 with a series of wacky speed-dating adventures.
Mandy: Oh Bill. (She hugs him it's a tender moment. Sweetly:) You're really fat and lazy.
Laugh track plays loudly and the camera zooms out on the happy group.