Suitable for all ages except the Renaissance.

Door knobs have the most germs, we should stop telling people to slob on them.
-Andrew Roth
I thought it was ironic that my girlfriend had to work on "Labor" Day, though I'm assuming irony wasn't the first thought of whoever had to clean up the placenta in her cubicle.
-Conor McKeon
I've known my best friend since we were in diapers. We met in 7th grade. Middle school was kind of awkward…
-Jon W
Screw Top Wines…
The motto of the people who drink them.
-Joe Petro
Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for perverts.
-Andrew Berkowitz
I just quit my job at the Duty Free Shop. It was infinitely more work than I had first expected
-Brad Mettin
My girlfriend and I fuck like rabbits, while nibbling on celery.
-Patrick Cassels