History takes a lot of shit these daysfrom deranged, capitalistic lunatics (like business majors) who thinkthat the only point to society is to press blindingly through intosociety without taking a single second to look into our past, thusdooming history to a series of repeated failures until Jesus and the12th Imam return from occultation and just impaling them on pikes. Butwhat these so-called pillars of society forget is that looking back onhistory not only gives us some great life lessons, but is actually theworld's greatest dramatic story, full of tragedy and comedy. Andhistory has, certainly, given us some pretty hilarious moments, solet's take a look at them.

The Defenestrations of Prague (1419):
A series of arguments between traditional figures in government andreligion, specifically within the new, extremist Hussite sect, led to aspate of incidences in which government officials were hurled to theirdeaths through windows. One of these figures was the town's judge, onburgomeister, who has the dubious distinction of being defenestratedand having a hilarious title. No one knows why they kept hosting themeetings on like the 5th floor.

Italian Invasion of Greece (1940)
Mussolini, Italian, and therefore jealous of Hitler's conquest,basically begged Hitler for a chance to take over something in Europe.Hitler gave him Greece, at the time a holdout, significantly lessdeveloped than Greece and Italy, and not heavily populated. TheItalians, previous holders of such distinctions as not being able tocompetently beat Ethiopia in a war, was unable to conquer Greece, gotstuck in a retreat, and rode out the rest of the war in Albania.Italians lost 6 times as many men as the Greeks, despite their forcebeing less than twice as large.

The 0th Crusade (1096)
The pope, at the time French, had been preaching a crusade to theFrench nobles. Somehow Peter the Hermit, a hermit, caught wind of thisplan and spread it amongst the French peasantry. They got so riled upabout this plan that a million of them decided to mill it the fuck upacross Europe and go to Byzantium to help defend Byzantine pilgrims tothe holy land from the Seljuk Turks. Imagine the look on the Emperor ofByzantium's face when, instead of 10,000 knights, he gets a millionclumsy peasants. Many of them were robbed and killed on the way toByzantium. The remained were killed in Anatolia by the Turks.

Collapse of the Western Roman Empire (453)
An empire, already somewhat overextended economically, especially interms of debt, fighting a long series of skirmishes, on very alienterrain, in Mesopotamia. In addition, they're struggling at findingmercenaries in that region and have a tenuous grasp on the socialsituation at home. Debt is skyrocketing and cannot be controlled, andfinanciers and the government have gotten in cahoots and are stealingmoney from the people. Unemployment is high; the economy is ininflationary cycles. And somehow they were expecting to survive that.

Iraq War (2003-???)
An empire, already somewhat overextended economically, especially interms of debt, fighting a long series of skirmishes, on very alienterrain, in Mesopotamia. In addition, they're struggling at findingmercenaries in that region and have a tenuous grasp on the socialsituation at home. Debt is skyrocketing and cannot be controlled, andfinanciers and the government have gotten in cahoots and are stealingmoney from the people. Unemployment is high; the economy is ininflationary cycles. And somehow we were expecting to survive that.

Written by Daniel Younessi

Article Cover From Walt Disney's Der Fuhrer's Face