Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
It's Not A Fashion Statement, They Have To Wear Shoulder Pads
September 24, 2009
, ladies, it's that's time of year!!! The leaves totally change, the weather gets, like, super cold and Gap starts selling a different color scheme of button-down cardigans. Fall is totally in the air. And if you've got a bf, that means one thing: ff.
You'd think talking about anything involving the word "fantasy" with your boyfriend would be hawt, a little naughty, and emotionally revealing. This is not true from the months of September to December (not to mention that the actual season extends to right before V-Day, which is a small redemption). No, his fantasy is going to involve a pigskin, and not in a kinky way.
Don't worry, there are ways to still get some serious spoonage during those cold, winter months. It's just going to take a little more effort on your part. He learned to love and then hate "Jon and Kate Plus 8" here are some tips to show you totally care about him.
When he mentions his "number one draft pick", do
respond with "but who is your heart's number one draft pick?" This is not okay, even if you continue the analogy. Don't mention that he was "pre-ranked by your mom." Especially if he was, in fact, pre-ranked by your mom. In fact, don't mention your mom.
Tight end? Don't go there.
Don't act like you know the players " even if you know all about their true, alleged personalities off the field. It's important to remember that this is a world in which Bridget Moynihan isn't the first thing Tom Brady is known for playing.
I know, girl, it's so hard to resist!! But do
mention how cute the little players look in their little uniforms, and do
cheer based on helmet color or the adorableness of the mascots. Only do that in your head.
Finally, in this case, "smack talk" doesn't mean, "make me a sandwich, bitch." Although in every other case, it definitely does. And to be on the safe side, you should still probably make him a sandwich.
If you follow these guidelines, you'll totes make it through the long football season with flying colors flying, matching colors! If you're super cooperative, he will totally owe you and have to make it up to you in a way that he hates but he won't actually realize that he owes you and you can cry when he refuses to attend your sorority sister's baby's baptism and he will feel bad and you can keep the guilt trip going until
spring training! Go sports teams!
We like you. Do you like us too?
Don't ask me again.