Y2K10 Compatible.

The Commandment Moses "Lost" on the Way Down From Mount Sinai
11. Thou shalt stone to death he who brought these Commandments down
-Patrick Cassels
I got thrown out of my company's annual family picnic, because apparently there are multiple ways to interpret the term "sack race."
-Conor McKeon
You Know You're an Alcoholic if…
…your bottle-opener-chain has some keys on it.
-Raj Clark
I imagine
If you put a scale upside down on the floor it would just explode under the weight of the world.
-Alex Roda
I tried selling drugs to kids but they were too smart. They have someone test coke before they buy.
-Kevin Beal
"Only you can prevent forest fires"
No pressure.
-Tommy Grimes
Hunting would be a lot more difficult if deer had calendars.
-Elliott Cox
Reporter or Murderer looking on the bright side?
"At least 50 people were injured in last night's attack."
-Justin Mullally
Sounds Pants Make When You Walk
Jeans: Swp Swp Swp
Cords: Thwt Thwt Thwtrnrn
Cargo Pants: Fgt Fgt Fgt. Because cargo pants are gay.
-Adam Newman
How to find a list of douches
Go to YouTube and search "fall out boy acoustic cover."
Ironically, Chumbawumba never actually "got back up again"?
-Matthew Surina