3. The Poorly Timed "Next Day" Text: 

This text message is sent at an unfortunate time the next day after meeting someone at a party the night before, generally while the person is sleeping, working out, or buying Plan B. It usually sits in the mailbox for 2-5 hours collecting lame-dust and indifference. The "Hey I had soooooo mch fun last nite oMgzorz!" or whatever the kids are saying these days, has lost a lot of relevance and coolness in general after a full day of doing other things. This conversation will typically falter after a "oh yea mee too Lol?" response.

2. The Everlasting Gobstopper Text:  

This takes place when one of the parties in a conversation feels the need to carry on a text conversation all day. These future receptionists and books-on-tape narrators need to draw out the talking as long as possible. It is achieved primarily through the sending of texts every half hour and Attention Deficit Disorder. It's one thing to forget to respond to a text, it's another thing to talk about how wacky your parents for an entire afternoon. The individual with actual shit to do is left in an uncomfortable situation regarding how they can break this off without being an asshole while simultaneously giving you their special "do not pick" ringtone.

1. The "Who Is This?" Text: 

This one is so disconcerting that I have to throw in a mouth guard when I respond just so I don't bite down through my teeth and into my face. This message is after your prostate like a steel toed boot. Sent from a random number, this message is typically comprised of a "heyy, what are you doing?" The question is: What now? Does one spin the wheel? Roll the dice? Curve the bullet? Take one for the team and go with it despite the high percentage of fratastrophe that could ensue? Asking who it is could potentially ruin a good thing that you were too fuck-faced last night to remember was in the making. This never works out well for anyone.