Today's column is dedicated to Balloon Boy.  Up up and away! (to a box in the attic)

Mad Men's Christina Hendricks got married this week, officially making this guy the luckiest man in the world.  Sorry, Antonio Banderas, but you've been out of the running for quite some time now. (Hollywood Tuna)

R Kelly continued his quest to become the Most Ridiculous Person Alive this week by announcing that he's illiterate.  Which explains a lot about Trapped in the Closet, actually.  Still no explanation for the child pornography, though.  So. (Celebslam)

This week, Grace Park and Tricia Helfer of Battlestar Galactica fame did a photoshoot that would make even a Cylon blush.  In the SPINE, that is.  Hooya.  Anyone who got that joke and I would be friends.  Nerdy, nerdy friends. (Hollywood Tuna)

Burger King publicly apologized to Jessica Simpson this week after sponsoring an NFL pre-game cartoon that joked about her recent weight gain.  Yeah, come on BK.  You can't give someone a shirt and then make fun of it.  (WWTDD)

Singer Leona Lewis was attacked this week at a book signing when a man brought up his copy to be signed and then inexplicably punched her in the face.   He's a fan of more narrative prose I guess. (IDLYITW)

Pamela Anderson shocked onlookers this week when she arrived at an event with a 9-year-old girl whose job it was to hold the train of her dress.  The child didn't even have a seat, so she sat at Pam's feet all night.  You know, like a dog.  A dog with opposable thumbs. (IDLYITW)

Susan Sarandon's daughter Eva Amurri went topless on this week's Californication, so of course the video is online.  She's really following in her mother's footsteps.  Next up: an Oscar!  Specifically for Dead Man Walking, which is what makes it hard. (Egotastic)

In the most unsurprising news of the week, Madonna pays her young boyfriend Jesus a $10,000/month allowance.  When he gets in trouble she sends him to his mansion to think about what he did. (Celebslam)

This week's Cleave of the Week is a doozy, thanks to January Jones and her GQ spread.   Quick, someone cast her in a show where women don't have to dress conservatively! (Popoholic)

Wait, what?  There's a SECOND Cleave of the Week?  And on a new LINE?!  Oh yes, and Meghan McCain sure earned it.  If only she'd Tweeted this during the campaign, maybe her dad would have still lost, but by a smaller margin. (Egotastic)

WWTDD posted some amazing pictures of a young Tina Fey this week, and it looks like young Liz Lemon has some competition.  In the Mathlete Decathlon, of course, not with boys.  Young Megan Fox has those covered. (WWTDD)

Avril Lavigne separated from her husband a few weeks ago, so it only makes sense that she's now dating a billionaire.  Everyone knows that tears dry fastest when they're wiped away with hundred dollar bills.  Oh my god.  That was the most poignant thing I've ever fart and we're back. (Celebslam)

Tara Reid posed for Playboy this week, for its annual 'You Can Tell They Were Hot At One Point' issue.  Also starring Nikki Cox and Pam Anderson. (Celebslam)

Lily Allen let it slip this week, and by it, I mean of course her nip.  Someone send Lily Allen a bra!  I've seen her nips almost as many times as I've seen Planet Earth, and I LOVE Planet Earth. (Hollywood Tuna)

And last but not least, this week's Still Got It, which goes straight to Kathy Griffin for whatever is going on here.  Congrats Kathy!  Still Got It. (Celebslam)