Has anyone else already eaten like an entire bag of candy corn?  No, just me?  K cool.

On to bag #2!

This week in an interview, the director of American Psycho talked about how Christian Bale's portrayal of Patrick Bateman was inspired by Tom Cruise.  Most flattering thing said about Tom Cruise in years?  He'll take it!*

*I don't speak for Tom Cruise. (IDLYITW)

Hilary Duff is shooting a movie in NYC this week, and if you can get past the worst outfit in the world, you'll notice that said outfit is not nearly warm enough for the current NYC weather.  See?  Mother Nature IS on your side.  Her and Nationwide. (Hollywood Tuna)

Nicole Kidman addressed Congress this week, where she accused Hollywood of casting women as sex objects, thus perpetuating violence against them.  Reminding every member of Congress to add Eyes Wide Shut to their Netflix. (WWTDD)

Paris Hilton filmed a cameo for Will Ferrell's upcoming 'The Other Guys' this week, and for her one day on set demanded both live lobsters and a bottle of Grey Goose.  Will Ferrell, on the other hand, simply demanded to know who cast Paris Hilton. (WWTDD)

This week, Lindsay Lohan filed a restraining order against her father Michael Lohan, marking the first time she's shown restraint about anything ever. (WWTDD)

Clearly Halle Berry has been reading my column, because this week she really pulled out all the stops to be named Cleave of the Week.  About damn time, Halle. (Popoholic)

Courtney Cox hit the beach this week, and there is some serious Benji Button shit going on here.  Courtney Cox is 45 years old?!  BRB, gotta go join as many gyms as I can find.  Right after this pizza.  Ok, pizzaS, whatever. (Hollywood Tuna)

Miranda Kerr did an incredible bikini shoot this week, complete with the tiniest slip in the history of nips.  Get out those comically oversized magnifying glasses, Gumshoes!  (Egotastic)

A drunk Dennis Quaid caught a break this week, after a passing cop convinced him not to drive home.  No fair!  Helpful cops should pass by more often!  Although not tonight from 10-2am.  I'm hosting an Underage Rage.  I call it UndeRAGE. (Celebslam)

This week Gerard Butler and Jessica Simpson went out on a group date, because apparently they're still freshmen in high school.  After dinner at TGIFriday's they went bowling and then secretly held hands in the backseat on the way home. (IDLYITW)

At his birthday party this week, Nick Cannon's wife Mariah Carey revealed her nickname for him – DJ Sex Fingers.  Because that's a normal nickname you give someone that you're definitely in a real relationship with.  (Celebslam)

Alessandra Ambrosio went out and got drunk this week, and here's the before and after to prove it.  Sorry, 99% of the world, she's still hotter than you when she's wasted.  And that's the way the cookie tumbles. (Celebslam)

And last but not least, this week's Still Got It.  I am honored to present this week's award to Dennis Rodman, who's back in a big way this week.  Congrats, Dennis!  You Still Got Some Kind Of Weird Gender Issues. (Celebslam)