Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
The Categories of a Douchebag
November 10, 2009
Pickup line: "You would look good sunbathing at my Nantucket summer cottage."
Found: Ivy League campuses, smoking clubs, Rugby stores
Wears: Polo shirts, boating shoes, suits at inappropriate times
Thrives on: "Intellectual" discussions, purebred dogs, wine coolers
Weakness: Actually intellectual discussions.
"Frat Bro Douchebag"
Pickup line: "I made this drink for you."
Found: Beer pong championships, The Game, not lectures
Wears: College apparel, Birkenstocks with socks, puca shell necklaces
Thrives on: Natty Ice, cold pizza, the blood of sorority freshmen
Weakness: Correct spelling and grammar.
"Pretentious Nerd Douchebag"
Pickup line: "You can trust me, I'm a Doctor Who."
Found: Mom's basements,
Wears: Literally anything he finds in his closet/what his mom buys for him
Thrives on: Video game smack talk, sci fi smack talk, math.
Pickup line: "You look like an American Apparel model."
Found: Coffee shops, poetry readings, his own tormented thoughts
Wears: Flannel, inappropriately tight pants, inappropriately large glasses
Thrives on: Hand-rolled cigarettes, vegan food, irony
Weakness: Failed irony.
Pickup line: "Wanna ride an Italian stallion?"
Found: New Jersey, Long Island, Queens
Wears: Gold chains, hair gel, the Italian flag
Thrives on: Club culture, body spray, Ma's lasagna
We like you. Do you like us too?
Don't ask me again.