The Ordinary Edition.

Howie Mandel
Howie Mandel's soulpatch makes him look like he tried to grow a Hitler-stache but missed by a few inches.
-Andrew B.
Things Considered "A Waste of Time" By Luke Skywalker's Uncle
1. Protecting the galaxy
2. Picking up power converters
-Patrick Cassels
Anonymous
All Alcoholics are Anonymous. After that many drinks, I can't remember my name either.
-Jennifer Morris
Grammar
Drink, drank, drunk. Not a grammar lesson. A progression.
-Kyle Edds
Hamburglar
Shouldn't the Hamburglar be called the Hamburger Burglar?
-Aaron Jackson
Friends' Moms
I'm gonna watch '70s porn until I find a movie with one of my friends' moms in it.
-Matt Pullman
Agoraphobic
My friend's an agoraphobic rapper. He has a crippling fear of leaving the hizzy.