Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
No Droids Allowed
November 17, 2009
Luke, C-3PO and R2-D2 walk into the Mos Eisley Cantina. The Bartender stops them.
Hey! We don't serve their kind here!
Your droids. They'll have to wait outside.
C-3PO and RD-D2 turn to leave.
Oh, sorry, the short one can stay. Just not the shiny, prissy one.
The effeminate one with the lisp. We don't serve his kind here.
Apologies, sir, it's a British accent. If it offends you, I can certainly
Luke cuts him off.
What are you trying to say, buddy?
I just think there are some cantinas on the west side that might be more his speed.
Oh, this is so Mos Eisley. You'll tolerate a guy with a thousand eyes or a bulging phlegm sack, but the moment a robot wants to express his love with a robot of the same sex you freak out.
Excuse me, but I'm not gay.
The droid chose an alternative lifestyle, he can choose an alternative establishment.
Wow, it is so not a choice. He didn't ask to be programmed this way.
I'm not gay!
R2-D2 whistles and beeps.
What did he say?
R2-D2 projects a very explicit hologram of C-3PO and another robot. Everyone, Luke included, recoils in disgust.
I was in robot college. It was one time!
I can't believe you're defending that.
That is a perfectly natural act of engineering between two consenting You know what? We're just going to find another cantina. Happy now?
You try telling the difference between a male and female moisture vaporator!
Luke leads the two droids out. The bar watches them go.
Who the fuck were those guys?
We like you. Do you like us too?
Don't ask me again.