Ever have a sh*tty job that you wanted to complain about in a weekly submission-based column named after Blink-182 lyrics? Send your submissions to worksuxiknow[at]gmail.com!



I work as a lifeguard at a public swimming pool. One day, while guarding, an old man came onto the deck during a lane swim completely naked. Shocked and disgusted, I managed to spit out, "Sir! You need to be wearing swim wear to be in the pool!." He looked at me like I was crazy and said, "Ya! I know." He then looked down, realized he was naked and ran back into the changeroom. I never saw him again.
-Gabbie, UWO.

I work the concession stand of a movie theater. About a month ago, a woman roughly the size of Rhode Island waddled up to my register and impatiently inquired about our weekday $5 deal (popcorn and a drink). I calmly went through the pros and cons of said combo, but when our conversation reached the point of "unlimited refills", she had what could only be described as a "Fat-gasm". Her throat emitted a low pitch "mmmmmm" as her body jiggled a little. Throughout the course of her movie, she came back for refills on both her popcorn and soda 4 times.
-Anonymous

When I was 17, I worked at Discount Drug Mart up in Ohio. One day when I was ringing register, a woman with a panicked look came up to get all her items rung out. I then started to smell this foul odor and looked over the register. She had crapped herself and shook it out of her pant leg on the floor. She then acted like nothing was wrong demanding all her items get rung out at that moment. After, I called a stock person up to clean it up. He put a wet floor sign by it, so no one would accidentally step in it. Right after some guy comes over kicks the sign and smears it all over the floor. Whats wrong with people?
-John, U.S. Air Force

I work as a management trainee at a car rental company. Part of my job consists of driving customers home when they drop our car off. One day my manager asked me to take a client home. I sat in the drivers seat and looked over to see a 250 lb, 65 year old woman with braces telling me, "you know, they call me the cougar." Needless to say, it was a long ride.
-Shawn
 

Today I discovered that a co-worker that makes double what I do thinks that there are 27 letters in the alphabet, that the words "pulp" and "pope" are interchangeable because they "sound the same" and that Mexico is one of the "52" states because it is connected to Hawaii.
-Anonymous
 

I was working in a supermarket around the sundries department, and saw two little boys and their mother browsing the aisle.  The boys were playing around and joking around the entire time. They boys then proceeded to take out tampons from their boxes, then put them in their mouths like walrus teeth.  They then went around to customers and started shouting "ARP ARP ARP" at them.  And finally, they decided to just run their hands down the shelves and knock everything off. My boss then decided to dock my pay for "Neglecting Responsibility."
-Mike

Last summer I lifeguarded at a beach.  One day an old woman comes walking towards the small public beach (where I work) from a large private beach with two very large dead fish in her hands.  She comes to the bottom of the stairs that go to the parking lot where the lifeguard stand is and asks me what to do with them.  I told her to either put them back or throw them in the trash in the parking lot.  She looks at me, looks at the stairs, and says, "I can't make it up the stairs with these in my hands, could you throw them out?"  I was out of rubber gloves but she would not just put them back so I had to walk down the stairs and take the rotting fish with my bare hands and throw them out.
-Anonymous

I was a manager at Subway in a VERY bad part of town, but my boss wouldn't put anybody on to work with me. So I was all alone when a homeless man came in and asked for a free sandwich. I said I couldn't give him one, because they were all counted and I could lose my job… So he opened up his coat and flashed me! Not only was he naked, but he was covered in disgusting, knotted-up scars all over his stomach. He said, "I was in a car accident years ago!" and ran outside.
-Anonymous

Last summer I worked at a daycare, and one of the toddlers incessantly pushed the other kids.  When his mother came to pick him up, I told her, "your son was pushing the other children and he didn't get along too well with them."  Immediately the woman responds, "oh he got that from his father.  I'm a domestic violence victim," then promptly told me every detail of her failed marriage.
-Sherry, UCF