1. Tell your friends all the crazy college stories you have accumulated over the first semester. Tell them with such a passion that one might mistake them for the modern day "Gulliver's Travels".

2. When you have finally shared all of your stories do not waste your time listening to anyone else's.

3. Show your friends how much street cred you earned at school with your newly acquired sailor mouth, MarcĀ Ecko jeans, and fitted hat of baseball team you don't follow.

4. Berate your friends for not smoking enough weed.

5. Show your friends the Facebook profiles of all the girls you hooked up with.

6. Show your friends the Facebook profiles of all the girls you want them to think you hooked up with.

7. Ask your friends why they haven't visited you at school yet and when they plan on coming.

8. Use playful banter to point out which friends gained weight, just like in the beer commercials.

9. Brag about the free Asher Roth concert your school is hosting.

10. Explain how the "Ten Crack Commandments" changed your life.

11. Make sure your friends who attend community college are aware of how much they are missing out. "What do you mean you only drink twice a week?"

12. Give your friends the scouting report on your school's basketball team. Don't forget to mention where they were ranked in preseason polls.

13. Constantly text your friends from school with updates on how much your friends from home suck.

14. Talk about how "over high school" you are.

15. Accuse your friends of changing while you were gone via Facebook status.