Ever have a sh*tty job that you wanted to complain about in a weekly submission-based column named after Blink-182 lyrics? Send your submissions to worksuxiknow[at]gmail.com!



I worked at a store in high school as a stocker and cashier. One day, a lady with about ten items came up to the register and I proceeded to ring her up. While I was doing this, she felt the need to tell me her life story and how the courts took her kids away. When I came to the total, she decided she didn't have enough money, and began having me remove one item at a time and retotaling it. I never found out how much money she had to spend, but eventually she worked her way down to two items: a six-pack of beer and toilet paper. She still didn't have enough….guess which one she threw out. No wonder the courts took your kids away. Enjoy your beer and lack of toilet paper.
-Travis, VMI

I'm a middle school teacher and one day in class most of the kids were picking on one student who has a mole on his cheek. The next day, his mother comes in to talk to me as she's picking her son up. The boys mother is about 5 foot 3, about 230 pounds, and has a thick moustache. When I told her I would watch out for her boy, she said thank you and told me she had been made fun of as a kid too. She said she was made fun of for being fat and hairy. As if I needed any more evidence, she pulled down her shirt to reveal a Burt Reynolds type mane of hair on her upper chest. I haven't made eye contact with her in the two months since.
-Anonymous, College of William and Mary

I used to work at a local pet shop a few years back. Lots of cute girls used to pass through since it was near a high school. As an ice breaker for the ladies, I used to have a cockatoo perched up on my shoulder. Little did I know, the little bastard crapped all over my back…it was too late before I found out. I never imagined being cockblocked by a bird.
-Rich, NY

I worked as a sailing instructor one summer. We had to teach kids how to right a capsized boat. One larger than average 15 year old girl had trouble getting back into the boat. After multiple attempts and 3 instructors tried to get her into the sailboat and then into the powerboat we had to give up and settle for putting a rope around her and towing her in and onto the boat ramp where she could be dragged onto land. She was not at all embarrassed.
-Oliver M, York U

So I had to work Halloween night at the local 24/7 grocery store, I had about 30 minutes left until I was done when this kid dressed in an orange prison jumpsuit come to my register completly smashed. Having nothing to buy he begins to slur drunk person rambles and asks me "wanna see something?" He then proceeds to un-zip the front of his jumpsuit, whips out his fully erect dick and tells me "it's my office of erections, get it?" zips back up and exits the store. One penis more than I would like to see on the job.
-Cameron

When I was at University, I worked for a large supermarket chain. One particular Saturday morning my job was to restack the store shelves with items from the store room. On this day it was sweltering, about 100 degrees, which made the stock room absolutely unbearable. As I was shuffling along, selecting items from the stock shelves, l kicked something. On looking down, saw it was a huge human turd, and I had just cracked the crusty shell which had formed in the heat. The smell can only be described as "not from this earth" and it was like a punch in the face. My stomach immediately knotted and I ran from the store room convulsing from dry retching. Worst part #1 – The boss made me clean it up. Worst part #2 – About a week later I found one of the blankets in the stock room had been removed from the packet and used as toilet paper. It had a huge crusty skid mark!
-Nick W.

I work at a plus-size womens' clothing store in an up-scale mall.  One day I was clearing out the fitting rooms when a customer called me over to see if I thought the pants she was wearing were too tight.  They were fine and when I told her so she replied "I just wanted to know because the last time I bought pants from here they gave me the most awful yeast infection".  Then while describing, in detail, her yeast infection ordeal including her symptoms, the smell and appearance and her gynecologist exam, she took the pants, purchased them, and left the store.  Before she left, she relayed her yeast infection story to every one of the employees that were working in the store.
-Anonymous

I worked at a small gas station/convenience store where only one employee was on duty at a time.  One night, an elderly man came in and bought milk, bread, and honey. He had a very thick German accent and spoke very quietly and I didn't hear him ask for a bag for his milk.  I said, "Pardon me?" And he yelled, "I want a bag! Du bist eine dumme Kuh!" I am a German major, so I quickly understood (It translates to "You are a stupid cow") and stood up and snapped, "Entschuldigung?!" (Excuse me?!), and he quickly apologized in English, paid and left. I never saw him again.
-Melanie, Ripon College 

I own my own lawn care business that puts me through school. One weekend in mid June I was mowing for a client that has a 5 year old child, he likes to watch me cut grass on their deck. I have no problem with kids watching me work if they are far away so they wouldn't get hurt. As I was making a pass with my commercial mower, I hit a den of baby rabbits, they flew up on the deck that the kid was on. The rabbits didn't die right away so I had to go up and kill 3 rabbits in front of the kid. After I slaughtered the rabbits, I had to explain to his parents why there was a lot of blood on the deck and why his kid was frantically crying. It was never the same working with them after that.
-Anonymous