Ever have a sh*tty job that you wanted to complain about in a weekly submission-based column named after Blink-182 lyrics? Send your submissions to worksuxiknow[at]gmail.com!

During high school I worked at a local pizza place, one day we get a call from a guy who had just picked up a large pizza. He says "Your pizza is giving me a heart attack." "Sir, did you call an ambulance?" "No, I just wanted you to know it gave me a heart attack." and then wants to speak with my manager. After telling her his story she offers him a replacement pizza to make up for it. He accepted.
-Matt, Purdue University

I worked at American Eagle Outfitters. As anyone who's ever worked in a retail store will tell you, it pretty much sucks to deal with people. Here's just a few of the things I've seen at that store: a lady took a dump in a pair of jeans and just left them in the fitting room, an old lady threw a hoodie at my head because it wasn't the size she was looking for (on Christmas Eve, just to make it better) and finally, last Black Friday at 7 in the morning, a lady threw up on one of our registers. She then refused to get off line for fear of loosing her spot in line.
-Ronny, NYU

Today at work, an 80 year old woman demanded to exchange her Sacagawea dollar for a Susan B. Anthony dollar. The reason? She said, "I don't want a Mexican on my money!"
-Vince L., Mizzou

I work as a nighttime janitor at a small local karate studio that used to be a station for the train tracks that run through the middle of town. As a result, the door to the storeroom requires that I go out the front door, and walk across the deck to reach it. One night, when I came into work, there was a very strange looking lady and her male friend sitting on the deck. I asked my boss about it, and she said she had no idea who the person was or what they were doing. I mostly forgot about the strange lady until I had to get a new pack of water bottles to refill the fridge. I took the empty pack (it was one of the 35 packs from Costco) and set it on the railing of the deck. I went into the storeroom, got a new pack of water, and walked out. The lady had walked off and had stolen the empty pack of water, and she was wearing it on her head like a hat. I never saw her again.
-James F., California

After graduating from college I was working computer sales at Best Buy.  One day a lady came in irate because the computer she had just bought had "died".  When I asked her to take a look at it, I pushed the power button and it turned right on.  The stupid bitch didn't know how to use the power button. 
-Tom, West Virginia University

I lifeguarded at a small, private pool for seven summers straight through high school and college.  Usually, the job entails sitting in a chair and watching people swim all day with occasional janitorial duties.  One sweltering day in the middle of July, I had to work a shift from noon to 4pm.  In those four hours alone, I had three kids vomit all over the pool deck and one kid take a dump in the baby pool, all of which my manager made me clean up.  About ten minutes til 4pm, I was getting ready to clock out when a lady came up to the front desk.  She said that she had seen a pair of bloody tampons stuck to the bottom of the shallow end.  My manager made me change back into my suit, get in the pool with a Ziploc sandwich bag, and hunt down the mess.
-C.N., Wittenberg University

I work at an international company here in Sofia, Bulgaria. While we were still training I asked my American supervisor if I should use my real name since it's one vocal away from sounding really awkward in English. She said I shouldn't be embarrased to use my real name no matter what, which sounded reasonable. A couple of months later an e-mail account update came from UK Headquarters and the IT team had misspelled my name into Vaseline. Now it's on every e-mail I send.

I work as a package carrier for a major shipping company. The other day I delivered a package to a house, rang the door bell and an overweight lady answered the door in a robe. I told her she had to sign for the package. She then produced a sob story about how she didn't have the money to pay for it and was willing to bargain "services" instead. She then opened the robe and flashed me. I handed her the box and ran to my truck, signed it for her, and sped away. I probably should have told her that the box was not a COD and that shipping was already paid for… that image of the obese naked lady is forever burned into my eyes….think i need optic surgery now.