1. Poly Sci =




Why:
Isn't it obvious? You and your fellow Young Republicans are hellbent on global domination. There is a "strong conservative wind blowing" or at least that's what Fox News says. And it's starting in Australia for the 2 army bonus.




2. Physics =



Why:
You'll spend an eternity calculating the cosine of the angle in which the ball in the hall exerts force upon the fulcrum of the man in the pan … with little care for whether this game is actually fun or marketable.
No wonder you're playing alone on a Saturday night.





3. Philosophy =



Why:
You're questionably smart but undeniably arrogant. You look down on anyone that calls rooks "castles" or knights "horses". But secretly you're just resentful that at least the Phys Ed major has an actual skillset and you spent four years talking about existentialism. Checkmate!




4. Elementary Education =



Why:
Your only real skill is spelling, which honestly you're not even that good at. Let's face it your roomate's summer reading was "Gray's Anatomy" (Yes, it's spelled correctly – no, not the TV show) and your summer reading was "The Giver", which you also read in fourth grade. But this time you have to 'analize' it. Right, you didn't have any Y's.
 




5. Pre-med =



Why:
You have a steady hand and great concentration and ZZZZZZZZZZZZTTTTTTTTT … goddamn it there's no way actual surgery is this hard.




6. Business =



Why:
There's nothing you love more than the smell of multi-colored play money. Sure right now your a poor college kid driving a thimble but after a few hotels you'll upgrade to the battleship. Wait was that a bank error? Nope, just a Ponzi Scheme!




7. Humanities =



Why:
Sorry! No job for you.