June 2nd 1994: The internet is invented a.k.a. she gets a free disc in the mail from AOL

July 1994: Discovers "Phil Collins Phans" chatroom

September 1994 – February 1995: Narrowly avoids bringing misfortune upon her family by forwarding all 8,947 chain emails to the same 9 friends

July 28th 1995: "The Net" starring Sandra Bullock brings on an internet dark ages

December 18th 1998: "You've Got Mail" starring Meg Ryan ushers in a new era of advancement

January 5th 1999: Closes first pop-up

January 1999-December 1999: Closes 2nd through 8,947th pop-up

January 1st, 2000: Y2k destroyes computer (actually it was pop-ups)

April 2000: You install Napster and show your mom how easy it is

October 2000: Horrified when a 60 Minutes episode on Napster reveals she's stolen from Phil Collins

December 2000: Equally horrified upon finding your browsing history in the new Google toolbar

February 22nd 2001: Discovers eBay

March 22nd 2001: Buys her 8,947th Beanie Baby

March 22nd 2001: Identity stolen

April 2001: Claims to have literally "finished surfing the web" 

April 2001- August 2004: Solitare and the occasional email to her sister in California

August 30th 2004: You buy her a Mac

August 31st 2004: You return the Mac

2005-2009: More solitare, more emails to her sister

Decemeber 3rd 2009: Discovers Facebook

December 4th 2009: Social Networking Armageddon