Operator: Liberty City 911, what's your emergency?
Caller: Oh god, oh god, please help me; I've just been car-jacked!
Operator: Remain calm sir. I need you to give me your location.
Caller: I was just driving through Alderney and out of nowhere this, this, Russian manoh god, he had a gun and he was pointing it at mehe drove off but he's not far, I can see him in the distancehe's crashing into hotdog vendors!
Operator: O.K. sir, I've given the suspect a one-star wanted level. A cop in the area will attempt to apprehend the suspect alive.
Caller: Excuse me? This man is armed and dangerous. He stole my car, he's crashing into innocent hotdog vendors for the love of God! One star will not do anything! Can't you make him more of a priority?
Operator: I cannot do that.
Caller: Are you do you understand that look, as of this moment he's driving back towards me! He appears to be making a concerted effort to crash into large groups of pedestrians and-
Operator: O.K. sir, you'll be happy to know that the suspect has now earned a two-star wanted level. Officers will now use their firearms to take down the suspect. I would advise-
Caller: Body parts are flying everywhere! His carI mean, my carit's on fire and did he just? Oh my god he did! He just jumped out. He was going at least 60 miles an hourAND HE'S GETTING UP? How in the HELL is he still alive!?!?
Operator: You'll be happy to know officers will be arriving momentarily.
(Explosion in background)
Caller: Oh thank god. I see the police cars coming and they arewait a secondNO, what are they DOING?! THEY'RE CRASHING EVERYWHERE! They're even crashing into remaining pedestrians who are trying to escape! This is the worst thing I have ever seen(sobs)OH FUCK! He just pulled out an Ak-47!
(Screams and automatic gunfire)
Caller: The copsthey're all dead. Is he?oh my god he is! He's going after survivors they're trying to limp to safety it's like shooting fish in a barrel. He's BLOWING THEIR HEADS OFF! HE'S BLOWING THEIR HEADS OFF WITH A SHOTGUN! YOU NEED TO SEND EVERYTHING YOU GOT!
Operator: Ok sir, let me just crunch some numbers
Caller: I'M TELLING YOU, HE'S KILLING EVERYBODY!
Operator: and there we go. I will now give the suspect a three-star wanted level. I have dispatched a helicopter to the scene and more officers should be arriving now
Caller: I see the helicopter! It's flying towards me in the distance! Oh Hallelujah, justice will be dealt! Wait a second..
Caller: THIS GUY JUST PULLED OUT A ROCKET LAUNCHER!
(Loud explosion and crash)
Caller: Helicopter down!! Helicopter DOWN! How the hell could he carry both a rocket launcher and an AK-47!?
Operator: Okey dokey, I've raised the wanted level to four-stars so SWAT vans should be arriving soon but in the meantime
Caller: FOUR FUCKING STARS!? TAKE HIM OUT! Just attack him with everything you got!
Operator: Please let me do my job sir. The swat vans
(Explosions and screams)
Caller: He just BLEW UP the swat vans with his rocket launcher you moron! I ask you sir, where in this godforsaken city could a man have acquired a rocket launcher?
Operator: I need you to stay calm sir. There suspect has obtained a five-star wanted level, so I think we can send another helicopter to the scene
Caller: WHAT PART ABOUT HIM HAVING A ROCKET LAUNCHER DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND?!
Operator: Sir, with the swat vans and police cars
Caller: THEY'RE ALL DEAD! An inner-city holocaust is taking place before my eyes; YOU NEED TO TAKE HIM OUT!
Operator: I understand the urgency of the situation, sir. The suspect has been given a six-star warning level. The army has been sent in
Caller: IS THAT AN APACHE HELICOPTER ON THE SCENE? IT'S FIRING MISSLES AT HIMWHY?!? BODIESFLYING EVERYWHERE! Is that a FUCKING TANK?! WHAT THE FUCK? A TANK!? EVERYTHING IS BLOWING UP-BUILDINGS ARE FALLING TO THE GROUNDTHIS IS AN APOCALYPSE!
(Begins sobbing uncontrollably)
Caller: Oh father (sob) who art in heaven
Operator: Whoopsy daisy. Sir, it appears we have lost sight of him. He seems to have escaped.
Caller: Wha-what do you mean
Operator: He isn't under our radar now. We'll have to extract any remaining units.
Caller: WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE JUST ESCAPED? WHO RUNS THIS POLICE FORCE!? WHO DESIGNED THIS GOD-FORSAKEN SYSTEM?!
Operator: We're done here. Is there anything else you need assistance with?