St. Loquacious

St. Loquacious, born in the 4th century, was orphaned at birth.  When learned that he had been born with no tongue, his father, a wealthy and powerful orator in Asia Minor, deftly snatched him from his mother's arms and gave him away to the local Carthusian monastery who, if they could break their vows of silence, would probably have thundered down their objections (as everyone in Christendom knows that Carthusians are avid child-beaters).  
After finally taking young Loquacious into their monastery, they began to instruct him in the ways of public speaking.  This was, however, no easy task as sign language just isn't that effective for public speaking.  I mean really, how are you supposed to show emotion without using your words?  Do you know how dumb that makes you look??  It's like you have to solely rely on facial expressions!  Try scrunching up your face without defecating!  YOU CAN'T!!
Finally St. Loquacious was ordained at the ripe old age of 22.  He would live his life out at the monastery he was abandoned at as a child.  For some reason, he became a saint even though he never really did anything.  I mean how can you perform miracles if you're sitting on your duffer in some obscure, isolated monastery?  If anything, give the guy a medal for putting up that holy sausage fest.  
He finally bit it in the year 360, some 40 years old.  St. Loquacious would not leave any writings, speeches (vocal or signed) and a general air of mystery over the Vatican as to why he was actually officially canonized.  At least St. Francis had animals.