'Twas the night before Christmas, and all 'cross the web
All the users were clicking, the big names and the plebs
MySpace was decked out in baubles and candles
And each tired nickname 'twas a new festive handle

As children by now we'd be snuggled in bed
But we now stay online and leave comments instead
Farmville and Farm Town have settled their spat
And holly and ivy surround every Lolcat

YouTube had new vlogs; a thousand carol singers
And on Dailybooth everyone's nice to the mingers
On 4chan, the people are friendly tonight
And LiveJournal emos see things looking bright

A long time ago we believed in old Santa
But now we recited a new kind of mantra
One by Rick Astley, that's our sort of humour
Days before Facebook were simply a rumour

Then up popped an ad: BlogTV saying, "Quick!
There's a new show just starting, by a guy called "StNick'!"
The Internet users, they clicked by the score
And once all in the chatroom, this fat man did roar:

"Off YouTube! Off Facebook! Off Skype, and off Flickr!
Off Tumblr! Off MySpace! Off Bebo and Twitter!
Tonight is a night for old-style celebrations!
So get off that forum about masturbation!"

The trolls and the haters they left nasty comments
While outside the snow began falling in torrents
"StNick' said, "I warned you", his fingers he snapped,
And every web user, as one, shouted, "Crap!"

Their connections had died, every single last one
Bleary eyed geeks said, "Now where'd we find fun?"
"StNick' sent a text telling all to go play
In the snow, in the real world, upon Christmas Day

So nervous, the nerds blinked into the light
And looked at the world that was buried in white
They'd heard of the "outdoors" in history classes
But they'd rather sit inside on their chubby asses

One made a snowball, so fluffy and round
He plugged in his headphones but it made no sound
The world was in 3D, something he didn't remember
But he doubted he'd ever forget this December

It took a few hours for the nerds all to settle
Unused to a world not in plastic and metal
They had snowball fights and hugged one another
The world came together, all sisters and brothers

They poked and they sang and great lessons they learned
And for most of the day, for the net, no one yearned
"StNick', he was happy, the iGen was moving
The sound of their laughter was pleasing and soothing

At the end of the evening, "StNick' said, "OK,
You've experienced life off the screen for one day.
I'll return your connections, on just one condition:
Leave your house once a day: that is your new year's mission."

The servers all lit up, and life was returned
The lesson forgotten, its message was spurned
For as soon as they sat down and lost use of their feet
Then every last one of them started to tweet.