Ever have a sh*tty job that you wanted to complain about in a weekly submission-based column named after Blink-182 lyrics? Send your submissions to worksuxiknow[at]gmail.com!

I use to work for this chain of privately owned video rental stores called Family Video. Ironically, in stark contrast to our name, we made most of our money off the small porn section our stores offered. One day when cleaning out the drop box I picked up a "discreet" black case that all our adult movies come in. As I lifted it up it shot up out of my hand and flew a couple feet into the air. I then grabbed at it two or three times only to have it constantly shoot out of my hands and finally end up on the floor. Apparently one of our valued customers had managed to spill lube all over the case and figured it wasn't worth it to dry it up. Needless to say I wasn't too happy about having to wash off used KY Intrigue in the employee bathroom for the next ten minutes.

I am the manager of a Jimmy Johns on weekends. A woman came in the shop last Saturday and while eating she complained that we shouldn't be playing "heavy metal death music". The band playing was Maroon 5.
-Steve, Harper College

I work at a local entertainment center. We had a customer who would come in regularly, and continuously complain, argue, and generally annoy the employees and other customers. Finally, we had enough and our manager told him that his business would no longer be welcome. After a few days, he comes in without any eyebrows. My manager tells him that he has to leave. The customer then proceeds to tell my manager that it was his twin brother that had been thrown out, he is the one with eyebrows. He was then told that both he and his twin brother weren't allowed back.
-Jason, UNR

I work retail so its a given that we have people return items. One day I had an older lady come up to my counter and proceed to throw a handful of deodorant sticks at me. she claimed that "I bought all of these deodorant sticks from your store and none of them work, I want a refund." I go to pick up one of the deodorant sticks and take the top off. I then explained to her that you have to remove the protective cap on the deodorant stick to use it. She then continued to rant like it was my fault that those plastic caps are on deodorant sticks.
-Bill Pattison, Marquette Michigan

When I was in high school I worked at a roller skating rink. We hosted parties of 50 to 500 children, all of which never know what shoe size they wear or what the difference between roller blades and roller skates are. One day a rather large man walks up to the skate counter with his horrendously overweight son. The problem with this kid was that his foot was small, but his ankle was about as big around as my thigh, and after about 5 different skate sizes his father, at this point very frustrated, moves in close to me and tells me "Now I'm not a terrorist, but I have a switchblade in my back pocket. Now find a skate that fits." To this day I'm not sure what he was planning to do, but I think I almost got stabbed because of an obese child.
-Richard, Oklahoma State University

When I first moved to New York I landed a job at the gentleman's club Scores as the men's bathroom attendant. Scores was still pretty popular then and numerous celebrities would come through. It was inevitable that I would see them, because sooner or later they would have to use the restroom. This one particular evening a very high profile celeb came in. (I'd rather not mention his name.) He used the rest room about 10 times throughout the evening each time coming back more and more intoxicated. Finally the club was closing and he used the restroom one last time. Upon leaving he grabbed my crotch and asked if I would like to have some fun with him when I get off. To this day I get chills when watch any of his movies.
-Luke, NYU

I work at my family-owned business.  One day we had a guy come in who wanted to fill out an application for a job.  After he filled it out he handed it to me to review.  Under the section that asks if they've ever been convicted of a crime and if yes, to explain, he checked the box "yes".  He explained his arrest was for vandalism for throwing rocks through windows and was even so kind to include the detail that it was OUR building he did it to.  Needless to say, we didn't hire him, but something tells me he might get his revenge.
-JD, Michigan   

I manage a restaurant that hosts free wifi.  One afternoon a red headed kid, probably in his late teens, came in and spent about an hour ominously hunched over his laptop with his bookbag set up to obstruct any direct view of what he was watching.  I walked past at one point and noticed that he was watching porn.  He left shortly after.  About an hour later he returns and resumes the position.  This time when I walk past he has his hand down his pants and is masturbating furiously.  I tell him to get the hell out of here with that sh*t, he says yes sir, packs up, jumps in his minivan and drives away. 
-F.M., Southern Miss.