Just in case your girlfriend cheats on you and you can’t seem to articulate the flaming newspaper that is your hate, I’ve done it for you. While you’re facebooking the naked pictures she gave you, she’ll be crying over the piece of paper you handed her just hours earlier. Don't worry, the letter is done in a very tasteful way.


Dear {­­­­insert girlfriend that cheated on you}, you succubus bitch,

I just wanted to call you out for the deranged whore we all knew you to be. Have you ever gone swimming in a pool and accidentally touched someone else's old band-aid? Well that's how I feel every time someone even mentions your name. I'd tell you to go suck a fucking dick if I didn't think that you'd like it so goddamn much. Matter of fact, I'm happy that you're such a slut. This saves me a trip on Jerry Springer worrying about the pending paternity test. I hate so much about the things that you stand for and not only do I hate you, but I wouldn't be surprised if when you were walking off, your own grandmother flicked you off. You're just a jizz rag. That's it. I mean, I feel dirty even writing you this message because I feel I'm lowering myself to talk to you. You don't deserve me. You don't deserve a steady boyfriend. You don't even deserve a fucking life. If you end up with another guy, there will be no justice. I'll see you in hell, where you'll probably be getting fingerbanged by Satan himself you fucking cunt.


BEWARE: This letter does not protect against buff new boyfriends