My (ex-)girlfriend broke up with me about two weeks ago. Yesterday, she got mad at me for letting her do it. I don't understand girls.
Recently my girlfriend and I got into a conversation about sex toys. Being adventurous types, we decided we wanted to try out a vibrating cock ring. I went online and found one that looked pretty good and ordered. A day later I got a shipping notice saying that it would arrive at my apartment in three days. On the day it was scheduled to arrive, I waited expectantly at my house, but much to my disappointment, the package never arrived. The next day, I checked the order status online and it said that it was delivered. That's when I notice the company I bought it from had switched my apt number with my street address number, reversing them. That's right, a package with my name on it, containing a vibrating cock ring got shipped to one of my neighbors.
A few months into our relationship, I would joke with my girlfriend that our next "step" was to fart in front of each other. She warned me that when that day came, I'd deeply regret it. Being the lactose-intolerant pig that I am, I doubted her greatly. When we finally took that "step," I found that I should have heeded her warning. Her farts are so bad, it would make Oscar the Grouch vomit.
I had been dating this girl for over a year. Her parents were kind of rednecks, mostly her dad. So one weekend I was accompanying her to her cousin's wedding. We were staying at a hotel and her parents wouldn't let us get our own room, so it was her parents on one bed, she was on the other, and I was sleeping on an air mattress on the floor. Sometime around 3 or 4 in the morning, I'm woken up by noises. Turns out it's her dad taking a massive dump in the bathroom 10 feet away
he didn't bother closing the door. So I'm wide awake, listening to this redneck drop huge smelly bombs with no shame, complete with grunting and all. No one else seemed to notice so all I could do was pretend to sleep, and I was too shocked and embarrassed to mention it to anyone the next day.
I've been dating the same girl on and off for almost 4 years. She thinks I want to marry her. I don't. I just don't know how to end a 4 year relationship.
My girlfriend broke up with me because she felt that one of my female friends (who id known for several years) was too attractive.
Barely a week after we first started dating, my ex both hooked up with her female friend and tried to grab my friends cock on the same night, at a new years party I wasn't able to go to. I'm not sure which is worse: that she tried to jerk off my friend, or that I didn't get to see her making out with a girl
I've been hooking up with this girl for a while. Yesterday she got really drunk at a party and sent me a text saying "We should have sex tonight. But if we do, we're going to have to do it in the shower cause I got my period today."
-Dan, Brock University
This week's "Level 4 Pun Alert! Repeat! Level 4 pun alert!" Award goes to:
One weekend, my [ex]girlfriend was staying at her parents' house to babysit their dogs. These dogs were more precious to them than her or her brother. One night, she begged me to stay over with her so she didn't have to sleep without me. When we got in bed, apparently the dogs had to sleep in the same bed. When I objected (these were large dogs), she simply showed me to the guest room. I left that night and haven't seen her since. Talk about a 'ruff' relationship.
-John Carl, Texas Tech