Ever have a sh*tty job that you wanted to complain about in a weekly submission-based column named after Blink-182 lyrics? Send your submissions to worksuxiknow[at]gmail.com!



I used to work customer service at a Winner's store. Lots of returns came in of various degrees, and one was from a little Italian man, 60'ish, and his English wasn't the best. He had a pile of underwear in a bag and was wanting to return them because "they no work for me". The policy was was no returns on undergarments, but he was adamant that the underwear "did not work". I couldn't understand what he was trying to tell me, so he took a pair of underwear and put them on over his clothes and put his finger through the opening in the front and said "They no work, I too big". With a line up of people witnessing his "big finger" poking out I returned the underwear – all of which were used with skid marks in them.
-Amanda

I work at a public library and we have had our share of strange patrons come in, usually the homeless. On one particular day a man came in and sat in the magazine section . . . naked. Needless to say we called security. When asked about why he came in without clothes the man said and I quote "God told me to do it."
-Max, Harper College

One night at the movie theater I used to work at, there was an old man still sitting in the handicap section after everyone had left. Apparently, he had pissed himself about 10 minutes into the movie and his caretaker didn't want to miss the movie, so allowed him to sit in his own urine for about an hour and a half. Of course, I was picked to clean it up and all I got was some water and very thin paper towels. Gloves are only for people who work with food…
-Anonymous

For the last 8 months I've had a nagging bitch ruining every day I have to show up at my already questionable job. This girl seems to think she's my supervisor, even though we have the same job title. She's also conveniently a vegetarian. So for the last 6 months or so, I've been bringing random food for my coworkers to share. I almost always make traditionally vegetarian-friendly dishes, like mac & cheese, hummus, cupcakes, fudge, and on and on. Into each of these friendly gifts goes a generous helping of chicken broth, just to be a dick. No one seems to notice, and every couple of weeks I hear about her digestive troubles. HA!
-Charles

I work as a Cash Manager at an outdoor sporting goods company located in a very busy outdoor mall. It spans across six avenues and a few streets, and as a result, we have hired security guards patrolling the areas sometimes. I was at the front helping my cashiers when this security guard starts to book it out of the door. We (including the customers) are just staring at him as he slams into our automatic door causing it to go off the tracks, and slip on the ice outside in his apparent haste to answer a call. Later that night as I was heading Customer Service, he came back in all flustered saying that he broke his I-Pod and his cell phone when he fell and he wanted the money, that instant, to go and replace them. I calmly told him we weren't paying for anything. It was his fault he was running despite the conditions of the weather. The next day the Store Manager sate down in his office and told me the security guard filed a complaint against me. I was suspended with out pay for three days.
-Anonymous

Over the summer I worked at a furniture store. It was 90 degrees outside one day, a large woman walked into the store and was asking questions about the bed frames when all of the sudden she asked me where the bathroom was. I walked her to the other end of the store where the bathroom was and as soon as we got there she said "Oh I'm all set", and walked out the store. As I was walking back I noticed that someone had kicked a trail of mud through the store. Then the stench hit me and I realized that on her way to the bathroom the woman had left a trail of sh*t all the way through the store like Hansel and Gretel. All three of us salespeople had to work for two hours trying to clean the stink of human sh*t out of the rugs, while one saleswoman kept throwing up.
-Steve, UNCW