Over Summer I dated this girl that worked at a tanning salon, but she lived a couple of hours away. One weekend I drove up to see her. It was such a frustrating drive that as soon as i got to her house i grabbed her and started kissing her. I progressively started kissing her thighs and was moving in to eat her out, but before i got a chance i felt this burning sensation on my lips and face. Turns out she was wearing a special tanning lotion called tingle that causes the pores in your skin to open up. Next thing i knew my lips swelled up and and my face broke out into hives. I ended up at the hospital for several hours. Luckily after i got out i got some sympathy sex.
I was super excited and nervous after getting this cute girl's number in my art history class. I talked myself up, had a buddy supporting me, I was gonna ask this girl out, dammit! I call, "Hey, how's it going?" "Not so good, my sister's boyfriend just died
" "Oh my God, I'm so sorry
. so you wanna get lunch sometime?" We never really talked again.
-Jonagh, Georgia Southern
My boyfriend has this gross habit of tying a knot on his used condom after we've had sex, and throwing it in the corner of his room. Sometimes he would forget it there for DAYS. One night, we had a marathon session, and there was a pile of used condoms on the floor of his room
about four of them. A week later when I visit his place again, they're STILL on the floor in a corner
along with the dishes we ate on before we had sex, and the underwear he was wearing that night. He wonders why I don't like to sleep over at his place
My (ex) girlfriend and I had been dating for 2 years and I decided I needed a break but then changed my mind a few weeks later. The first time she comes over my apartment since the break up we're watching TV and start to have a serious conversation about what was going on in our relationship. She starts getting emotional and I try to comfort her but look up and see Keyboard Cat on TV and start laughing uncontrollably. She starts yelling at me for being an asshole. She storms out of the apartment slamming the door and my roommate pops his head out to see what the ruckus is all about. Tell him what happened and he responds, "oh yeah, the keyboard cat will get ya every time."
Deciding to be nice, I wished my ex-boyfriend a happy birthday. He thanked me and promptly asked me to meet him for sex. WTF?
-Claudia, Concordia University
My ex of 5 years thought I worked installing carpets. I guess we all have different interpretations of the word carpentry.
After dating my (ex) boyfriend for four months and putting up with his daily shower farts and updates on his bowel movements, I got up the courage to let a squeaker out in front of him one morning. He refused to speak to me for the rest of the day.
My boyfriend is currently yelling at me because I insulted the Star Wars books.
My now ex-girlfriend was the head cheerleader back in high school. 3 years into college we begin dating and she's been coaching, so she's still in practice. We decided we wanted to try a new "extreme" position, the "standing wheelbarrow". So we set it up, and she asks me if I'm ready and I say yes. Instantly, her cheerleader brain AND skills kick in and she tries to throw her arms back assuming I'm going to be holding them rather than her legs. Her attempt resulted in a back handspring which catapulted us both back into the wall, and knocking her out temporarily.