Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
105% issue #5
February 9, 2007
Noow Wiith 50% Moore Vooweels!
I masturbated to Anna Nicole Smith less than 24 hours before her death. Tick tock Terri Hatcher. Tick tock.
John Donne once wrote, "Death be not proud," and I have always agreed with him. Except for this one time, I saw a Native American stand on the edge of a waterfall, spread his arms into a Christ-like position, dive off the edge, and burst into a thousand shimmering eagles on the way down. That was pretty proud.
Did you hear the one about the joke with no punchline?
Worst/Best/Worst Newspaper Headline
"Crack Baby Still Born"
In the beginning, Hesiod says, there was Zeus, vast and dark. Then appeared Gaea, the deep-breasted earth, and finally Eros, ' the love which softens hearts ', who was thus a fructifying influence. From Zeus were born Erebus and Night who, uniting, gave birth in their turn to Ether and Hemera, the day. Then she created the high mountains and Pontus, ' the sterile sea ' with its harmonious waves
A true southern gentleman will make love to a woman in a full velvet body suit on a mound of live ducklings.
Make The Most of Your Game of “Twister”
Call "right hand labia."
The Rational Paranoid
The government is checking our water supply to make sure it's consistent, man!
Not on my watch!
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