Noow Wiith 50% Moore Vooweels!
I masturbated to Anna Nicole Smith less than 24 hours before her death. Tick tock Terri Hatcher. Tick tock.
-Tom Sunnergren
John Donne once wrote, "Death be not proud," and I have always agreed with him. Except for this one time, I saw a Native American stand on the edge of a waterfall, spread his arms into a Christ-like position, dive off the edge, and burst into a thousand shimmering eagles on the way down. That was pretty proud.
-Patrick Cassels
Did you hear the one about the joke with no punchline?
-Ben Lockshin
Worst/Best/Worst Newspaper Headline
"Crack Baby Still Born"
-Curt Stine
…In the beginning, Hesiod says, there was Zeus, vast and dark. Then appeared Gaea, the deep-breasted earth, and finally Eros, ' the love which softens hearts ', who was thus a fructifying influence. From Zeus were born Erebus and Night who, uniting, gave birth in their turn to Ether and Hemera, the day. Then she created the high mountains and Pontus, ' the sterile sea ' with its harmonious waves…

Verdict: False.
-Amir B.
A true southern gentleman will make love to a woman in a full velvet body suit on a mound of live ducklings.
-Cody Garay
Make The Most of Your Game of “Twister”
Call "right hand labia."
-Dan Gurewitch
The Rational Paranoid
The government is checking our water supply to make sure it's consistent, man!
-Jeff Rubin
Roman numerals?
Not on my watch!
-Streeter Seidell
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