Me: Hey GW, what's up?
Global Warming: Um…nothing. Just been kinda layin' low lately.
Me: Yeah, seriously. I haven't seen you in what…like 2 months? Where have you been?
GW: Well, I've been really busy, man.
Me: Too busy to return my calls? Or my IMs? Or my Facebook messages?
GW: Listen dude. Get off my back.
Me: I just don't get it. We used to be friends Global Warming. Remember this past December. When it was 65 degrees out when it should have been snowing. I know that was because of you. And I loved you for it.
GW: Well that's what's wrong with this world. Everybody wants something from me. They only love me when I'm destroying the Ozone layer. What about my needs? Don't you think I need a vacation every once and a while. Besides, there are plenty of things you can do in the cold.
Me: Like?
GW: Skiing.
Me: I don't ski.
GW: Dammit Neil. Do you even want to make this work? What's gonna happen this summer huh? When I'm so busy making the east coast 110 degrees? Is that gonna be too hot for you? I just can't win can I?
Me: You know what? I think we should see other people.
GW: Fine. Then I guess this is a good time to tell you I've been sleeping with a tornado.
Me: I figured as much. Slut.