Ever have a sh*tty job that you wanted to complain about in a weekly submission-based column named after Blink-182 lyrics? Send your submissions to worksuxiknow[at]gmail.com!



I work at a doctor's office, filling out lab forms (requests for lab tests) that the doctors don't have time to do. The patients sit in front of me while I do this, mostly staying to themselves. One day this guy starts flirting with me, asking me what I was doing after work, etc. He was getting tested for every Hepatitis there is, Aids, and a fecal test. He bragged that this was the third time in a year and winked at me on his way out.
-Anonymous, Jacksonville

I work at a fine dining restaurant two nights a week where the entrees are $20 and up. One day the Sous Chef keeps complaining about his stomach as the night is starting, so he goes to the back and grabs a large food storage container and drags it into the middle of the dining room. He then proceeds to vomit for five minutes straight in front of the staff and a customer or two. When he's finished, he yells to me in the kitchen "Towel! Towel!" Then I got to clean the bucket and he got to go home.
-Kevin, UVA

I used to work in the kitchen in a nursing home near my house. Most of the people working there were pretty normal except for a guy named Bob. One day while I was moping the floor, he walked in with nothing but a T-shirt and adult diapers on. He stared at me, ripped his diapers off, threw it on the floor, and stared screaming about black people. Then, my boss tried to make me clean it up. I quit the next week.
-Tom

I worked as a work study in the registrar's office at my school sophomore year taking messages and acting as a pseudo-secretary. One day, a woman came in to see the Registrar about a class she was having problems signing up for. I told her it would be a few minutes and to take a seat in the waiting area. After a few minutes I noticed she couldn't sit still in her seat. Every 30 seconds or so she would change positions in her chair. Finally, she got up and asked if we had a trash can. I pointed it out to her and she grabbed it and ran into the hall. About 3 minutes later she comes back, puts the trash can in the corner, says she'll come back later, and leaves. Afraid of what she had done, I slowly walked over to the trash can, only to find a nice, smelly pile of sh-t that she just couldn't hold in any longer. My boss didn't believe me when I told him and he thought I had done it. Guess who wasn't hired again the following semester?
-Anonymous

When I was 16, I worked at a bookstore. One day I brought in a huge tray of homemade chocolate chip cookies to share with my coworkers. Everyone was delighted—especially the manager, who told me that she had company coming over that night and hadn't found time to make dessert for them. She got a large ziploc bag out of the break room, dumped the cookies in, looked me right in the eye and thanked me. Then she left with the treats that I'd spent two hours making to share with everyone.
-Anonymous

My story was when I was working at Woolworths in the UK, now closed down, I was serving customers on a normal day and an old lady comes up to me with her stuff, on the tills we tended to have an item each week called a "perfect partner" which were usually a pound or so. This week it was a Dairy Milk bar and I offered it to her like I was supposed to when she said "I'd better not" and tapped her tummy to show her size only to unlodge her Colostomy Bag which leaked through her clothes releasing the unholiest of smells which lingered for a good hour or so.
-Jonathan, UK

I work at an industrial supply company that sells rubber hoses. One day a man in nurse scrubs asks me which hose I recommend to go up his rectum. In shock, I just stare blankly at him until he goes to another employee who sells him an FDA approved water hose. A week later, the man's partner comes by to tell us that his boyfriend was too cheap to buy enemas so he decided to douche with water straight from the tap. Apparently the psi was too great and ruptured all his internal organs, last I heard he was still in critical condition.
-Franz, UCF