It's been an entire week since your last confession and there's been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don't forget to submit your misdeeds to our submission page!

I changed my roommate's status to "Please pray for (roommate and his girlfriend). We decided to keep it." I didn't think your dad and girlfriend's dad would give you such hell. You were a good roommate, but it was funny and I couldn't pass it up.

Robert L., Georgia Southern

I was sick and tired of 1 of my 4 roommates always eating everyone's food in the house. I had a bag of tortilla chips that was almost full but now was only 1/2 full. I was so pissed off that I started pulling handfuls of chips out of the bag, spitting on them and putting them back. A few hours later when I was upstairs trying to take a nap before my night job, I heard him go in the cabinet and ask my other roommate if these were his chips. The other roommate said no, and a few seconds later I could him crunching away. Needless to say I fell asleep laughing. When I woke up and went to the kitchen there was my empty bag of spit chips. Hope you enjoyed those hips you cheap bastard.
Anonymous, Winona State University

Hey Mike, sorry for planting condoms on you before your family holiday. I didn't know the wrapper would come up on the metal detector. Hope your mom forgives you for carrying 37 condoms to the airport.
H.M., School Not Given

Hey roomie, thanks for eating all my food and drinking all my beer when you would come home wasted, while I was at work. Hope that package of hamburger you ate was delicious, because it was roadkill. Raccoon to be precise. At least I think it was raccoon.
Buzz Killington, SUNY Cortland

My roommate last semester was an absolute prick. He'd eat all my food, sexile me for fat chicks and just be an ass to everyone in general. The worst part was that he dipped, which I was okay with, but he would leave open containers of his dip spit everywhere. One night, I found out that he stole my fake ID to go to the bars so I decided to get even with him. I poured a good amount of his dipspit into his 2-liter of Coke he drank everyday. The next day, I had the privilege of watching him drink his own dipspit throughout the day. Sorry Dom, but you totally deserved that.
Garth B., University of Iowa

I had this roommate for a very brief period of time. In the 3 months he was there he didn't pay a single bill or clean a single dish. When he got arrested for his 4th DUI and had to do weekends in jail I felt I didn't respect him enough to not fuck his girlfriend. That part isn't a confession since he got out early and caught me midthrust on his girl. What I am confessing to (and he was much more upset about than me banging his girlfriend) is that I sliced and diced the sneaker collection he acquired while not paying rent or utilities. Thanks for the easy sex and opportunity to test out the kitchen knives you tard.
Tyler Morrison, School Not Given

So it was New Years eve and my one roommate and our other roommate decided to get hammered on Lucky Force 8(the PBR of Canada) to pre-game before going out. The thing is Lucky Force 8 is an 8% beer. And neither of the two can handle their booze on a good day. So by 9:30 they were both passed out. Obviously I couldn't allow something like this to go unpunished. So my girlfriend and I decided to shave my one roommates eyebrows off, leaving the other alone as he had already wet himself. So the next morning my roommate(after an hour) finally noticed that he was missing his eyebrows. Noting just how hung over the two where I blamed it on my other roommate. Who actually took the blame, cause he couldn't remember the night before. Which resulted in him losing half an eyebrow and gaining to black eyes. Best New Years ever.
Eric F., U of C

My roommate Chris brought his highschool girlfriend to school a couple of weeks ago. I was surprised at how incredibly hot she was, given that he is kinda nerdy. Anyways, I took them out to a frat party because he doesn't exactly know his way around party scene very well, but he wanted his girlfriend to have a good time. At some point in the night we lost Chris, but were getting tired of the party, so we left without him. On the walk home, we really hit it off and ended up boning in our room. Chris found his way home the next morning. Sorry for slamming your girlfriend, Chris.
Tim C., Georgia

My roommate failed to clean the house after her party that I did not attend. I picked everything up bare handed (cigarette butts, candy, cups, wet mats, and general trodden debris). I wiped my hands on her door knob, toothbrush, light switch, food, aspirin, keyboard, mouse, remote, and silverware. Immediately after she moved out I informed her that I had defiled her property as she did mine. I added that she might need to see a doctor because I found her vibrator too.
Pedro G., School Not Given

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