0800 hours; Secret US Military Base, New York

General: Welcome to your mission briefing, soldier.



Soldier: I'm ready to serve my country, sir.

General: You and your team will dropped off at the top of a skyscraper downtown. The mission objective will be to eliminate all enemy soldiers.

Soldier: Understood, sir. Will we have any aerial support, such as UAV recon planes or attack helicopters?

General: Yes… we do have some of those.

Soldier: So we will have constant assistance from above. This should be a breeze, sir.

General: Well, I mean we HAVE them, but I don't know if we're gonna use them.

Soldier: What?

General: We have a lot of great weapons, but I don't know… I don't think we should just waste them for nothing.

Soldier:
With all due respect, sir, any aerial support would give us a great advantage over the enemy.

General: Oh yeah, definitely. I totally get that. But it's pretty expensive to fuel these planes…

Soldier: So you'll only fly them in if we're having a difficult time?

General: Actually I was kind of thinking the opposite.

Soldier: Sir?

General: Like let's say if you kill three people in a row without dying… I might be inclined to send a little UAV plane to tell you where the other enemies are.

Soldier:
Why not just have the UAV plane around the whole time?

General: Well he'll be AROUND… but he'll just fly in and do his business if someone kills three people in a row. Sound good?

Soldier: Sir, this isn't making sense to me.

General: Look, you'll have a walkie-talkie to contact the pilots… but I've only told them to respond if you've killed a lot of people. Like if you kill five people they can maybe drop in a predator airstrike.

Soldier: It sounds like we're putting American lives in danger when they don't need to be.

General: Okay… I'll let you in on a little secret that might give you a significant advantage.

Soldier: I'm listening, sir.

General: If you jump off the edge of the skyscraper-

Soldier: Sir, I don't-

General: Listen! If you jump off the edge of the skyscraper and grab on to a broken, dangling window-washing platform-

Soldier: Right away I can tell you I won't be doing that.

General: Climb up the broken platform, walk on the ledge of the building without falling until the other side, jump onto another broken platform, lift yourself up on the roof, and walk around the ledge some more, you can get to a sweet sniper spot.

Soldier: And how would I get down?

General: Well you'll probably die once someone shoots the gas tank behind you.

Soldier: Alright sir, this has been great but you're clearly insane.

General: SOLDIER! This is important. The most notorious killer in the whole WORLD will be on the enemy team.

Soldier: Oh yeah? What's his name?

General: BoobGoblin69

Soldier: I'm out of here.