I'm on my way to this island that's somewhere in South America, they wouldn't tell us where exactly, but I'm guessing it has something to do with those dirty, thieving Nicaraguans. Looking out the helicopter the place looks surreal but I'm pretty sure I'm going to rapid fire the sh*t out of it. No South American is going to get the better of me. I'm coming off of training at peak. I've increased my athletic prowess so that I can jump 10 ft into the air, leap 12 ft chasms, and be able to do countless front flips effortlessly, even while moving backwards. Me and my buddy Lance here are some tough S.O.B's and we're ready to take out the suspected 800 troop installment all by ourselves, because we have one thing the enemy doesn't have. Spread Guns.
Diary Entry 1 (Lance)
Hey! It's Lance!
So Bill and me are heading down to this island to fight some bad men, but I really wish we were just heading down to relax together. I mean we work so hard all the time for the military, like they say we're the best team they have .best team, I hope Bill feels the same way. Anyways we've had so many hard and long battles in the past that caused us to get so tired, sore, dirty, and oh geeze, I have to go now.
Journal Entry 2 (Bill)
The Journal of William K. Ferguson,
It's been complete chaos out here, and I don't know what the hell is going on. We've just finished our first few days on the island and it has been madness. As soon as we got here bridges started blowing up underneath us and turrets started flying out of cliffs everywhere and began shooting at us. Charlie is everywhere in this jungle. To make matters worse Lance packed the wrong cartridge in our all-in-one rifles so that we had fireballs instead. I told him I was going to break my foot off in his ass, but I don't think I phased that hardcore freak because he just smiled at me. Gotta' love having a tough guy like that as my partner though. Then, luckily some rapid fire fell out of the trees for us to use just in time, combine that with our elite training to shoot in 45 degree angles, and it was a slaughter house for those dirty latino bastards. We found a fort of theirs and obliterated it by destroying three specific guns from three conveniently located ledges. Their infrastructure is relatively weak as every room they have is linked to these orbs in the walls. Once they're destroyed, their electric fence stops, their troops stop frolicking out of the walls, and they cease shooting barrels at us. The one hallway in the base took us straight to the core. We f*cked that sh*t up. Now I'm going to go do some push-ups and squat thrusts.
Diary Entry 2 (Lance)
Today was such a terrible day! I misplaced the cartridge for our spread guns and Bill is just furious at me! UGH! I don't want to disappoint him, I think he hates me right now :'(. But we pushed on, and fought the good fight. I wish everyone could see Bill fight, time just slows down around us. The force of his rifle makes all his muscles flex as it pounds, and pounds, and pounds as he just lets loose. He's so ferocious and powerful that it really gets me going crazy and I join in! Anyways, we got to roll around in the fort together when we were fighting, that was a lot of fun, maybe I'll remind him of that to get on his good side again.
P.S: I JUST LOVE MY RED PANTS!
Journal Entry 3 (Bill)
THERE'S GOD DAMN ALIENS!!!! THESE DIRTY NICARAGUANS ARE GOD DAMN ALIENS!!!! Today, Lance and me were fighting back to back up a waterfall and then eventually came to the summit and there's this 50 ft Octo-cockroach creature sitting on the fort flinging fireballs every which way. So you know what I did? Blew off its flailing fairy arms, and shot a laser right in his f*cking queer head 22 times over. Then I lit a cigar and said, "I f*cked your mama' harder." YEAH! I'M THE MAN, BOOYA! No fairy ass cockroach looking mother-f*cker is going to get the better of William K!
We're camping out tonight before we go into this next base. Going to have some hotdogs.
Diary Entry 3 (Lance)
Today was a pretty scary day
well scary in that I just fought the biggest bug I've ever seen my LIFE!!! It was disgusting! Just thinking about it makes me just
EWWWWW!!! I'm pretty terrified that we're dealing with aliens, the government didn't tell us anything about this! They didn't even give us a radio! Those Bitches. Once again, though, being around Bill makes me feel so much safer and better. OH! Today we had a beautiful moment on the waterfall while we were climbing up it. You know how they say there are moments when time stops when you look into someone eyes? Well today it did! Literally, time stopped for approximately 2 min and 8 sec and we were suspended mid jump facing each other, and it was just ffdawoajodjfdass
. It was bliss. One day I'll be brave enough to tell him. Maybe after this campaign. WELLLLL I dunno, then I'll lose my job! And even worse I won't be able to be around Bill anymore! UGH, Life sux!!! It's getting harder to keep my feelings in more and more everyday! Do I want to live my life without him knowing? Or should I tell him with the risk of never being able to work with him again!?!? I'll sleep on it as a nustle up under my hero's beautiful feet.
OH YEAH! I'm going to put in a picture of Bill in action on the waterfall today that I took, look at him go! <3 <3
To be continued