Everyone tells the odd white lie now and again, but thesequite often increase in both number and elaboration when trying to attract theopposite sex.  A little fib may bebeneficial in the short term, and may not even pose a problem when the truth isrevealed, but the lengths some men go to impress a woman can see them taken ona long, winding road full of ever-more increasing lies just to cover theirbacks and isn't really worth the effort if they're only going to end up lookinglike a complete chump when they're finally exposed.

So if you are going to lie (you liar) when talking to women, please makesure you don't use any of these.

 

10. My friends sayI'm really funny

 

Firstly, if you say this, you're not only not funny, butyou're also inviting the woman to enquire about just how hilarious you areexactly, usually through the challenge: "Go on then, say something funny."

Unfortunately, there is no answer to this, as by saying itshe has already pre-conditioned herself NOT to laugh.  No matter how hard you try to make her laugh you'llmost likely fail.  Unless you're reallyfunny.  Which you're not.

 

9. I'm really rich

 

So you want to impress a woman?  Money is impressive isn't it?  Yes, yes it is.  Say you have loads of money and a woman willwant to sleep with you.  Well, some womenmight – if you actually have lots of money, but if you don't, that particulartype of woman won't. 

Only bad things can come from this lie; most likely you'llbe found out on the night when, after ordering a round of champagne you'respotted bartering with the bartender with rare pogs and discontinued baseballcards.  It's either that or you'll blow aninordinate amount of cash, only to find out in the morning that your account'sbeen cancelled because the bank thought that someone was stealing all yourmoney.  And in neither case will you haveattracted any women.

This is related to another lie that you should never tell -the "I'm a doctor, accountant, laywer etc" lie. Unless you actually do one of these jobs, it's best not to say you do,because you're essentially declaring your expertise in a subject area which youprobably know nothing about.  Forexample, telling a woman you're an accountant and then giving the wrong amountof money three times in a row to the bartender whilst nervously laughing andpretending you did it on purpose does not display proficiency withnumbers.  Don't do it.

 

8. I'm a bad boy

 

You've heard somewhere that girls love bad boys, so you puton your leather jacket, find some ˜cool' sunglasses and spend all night leaningon the bar like you're James Dean.  Itmay go well for a while and you might even get some female attention.  But the moment you accidently spill the drinkbelonging to that huge bloke that's standing behind you and sprint from the barsquealing, your secret's out.  Even ifyou return, you're going to have a hard time hiding that piss stain from yourjeans for the rest of the night.

 

 

7. I live in apenthouse apartment in the middle of London/New York

 

This one is quite simple really.  All you need to hear to expose this lie is:

"Cool, can we go back to yours?"

 

6. I'm really intowhatever it is you're into

 

Again, unless of course you are, it's a lie.  So don't admit to being a massive fan of VincentVan Gogh because of his amazing watercolour landscapes in the Mona Lisa.  It's instant turn-off territory. 

 

5. I'm gay

 

You may have seen really hot women hanging around with gayguys and decided that you want some of that attention too.  And quite possibly you may get it at first,but only with people who didn't know you before, and they possibly won't even believeyou unless you get a boyfriend or at least kiss another man – two things youprobably won't want to do if you're not gay.

And even if you do manage to get far enough down the line toconvince all your new female friends of your sexuality, the awkwardreverse-coming-out of "Err, I'm not actually gay after all, do you…umm…want tosleep with me?" is unfortunately not going to hold up.

 

4. I work out

 

You:  "Yeah I've beenat the gym all day; weights, rowing machine, you name it, I've maxed it."

Her:  "Really, haveyou got a six-pack?"

You:  "Err…y…yeah?"

Her:  "Can I see?"

(End of conversation)

 

3. I love animals

 

Women love animals. In that case, so do you.  You loveanimals so much that when a spider crawls across the table you slam it underyour beer glass, stand on your chair, and scream to the bar that you've finallydefeated the evil Shelob. 

Unfortunately this epic battle marks the end of anypotential relationships.

 

2. I can handle mydrink

 

This lie produces two outcomes:

1. You can handle your drink.

But you have to prove it, and prove it you will becauseyou're not going to let any woman tell you to stop drinking.  Soon you'll be topless on the dance-floor,covered in beer, barging into everyone and shouting barely-decipherable lyricsto a song that isn't even playing. That'll wipe the smile off her face. 

Indeed it will.

2.  You can't handleyour drink. 

If you can't, don't say you can, because the quiet,dribbling bloke in the corner who stinks of sick and keeps looking up andsmiling in a vain attempt to convince everyone he's not completely drunk is notmost women's idea of an ideal man.

Incidentally, if you get this drunk you're most likely goingto tell EVERY girl in the room EVERY lie on this list.

1. I'm Brad Pitt

You're not Brad Pitt.