MILF – Acronym popularized by American Pie in reference to an attractive older women
Cougar – A middle aged women who sexually pursues younger men

MILFs or Cougars is an age-old topic that young men and prepubescent boys have disputed time and time again in their parents basements. Like blondes or brunettes there is no clear cut winner. Although I do prefer brunettes. Which is my point exactly, this is all preference. Some of you may be wondering "But Skot, aren't Cougars and MILFs both attractive, elderly or middle-aged women?". And at this point I would gently laugh…ha..ha… and reply "that's rich". Yes and no. Come along on a very magical journey and with my knowledge, experiences, and mistakes I will attempt to enlighten you with what I know about MILFs and Cougars.


Before I can give you tips, we first must understand what we are dealing with. There must be some kind of differences, but what do you look for? This is actually not as difficult as it seems. Lets start with the most argued topic:

Age Many people argue that in order for a MILF to be considered such,she must be a certain age. This is true for Cougars, but not MILFs. Amother is a mother, regardless of age. MILFs can be young, or old. There is not an age requirement for Cougars either, but there is an age gap requirement. In order for her to be a legit Cougar, she must be at least 8 years your elder. So keep in mind that if you intend on trying to hook up with either one, do not think she has to be old enough to be a friend of your mother.

Children For a MILF to be a MILF she must be a mother, and there is no way of getting around it. One child will establish them as a MILF. Cougars, however, are exempt from motherly duties. This does not mean the majority of them do not have children of their own though. Remember that when you were 12, she was 20….or older. So, just be prepared for a shocker when you find out a kid of hers could be around the same age as you.

Marital Status There is no need for a significant other when applying these titles. You are giving the ladies these labels based on age, children, and behavioral traits. Its pretty dry cut. Beware that there always is the possibility of a boyfriend or husband is close by. Even worse is an ex. The last thing anybody wants is a black face at bar close cos you were hitting on Brutus's woman. And when he punches you in the face, his fist covers one side of your face, ergo black face. Be on the lookout for a ring. Clueless to location? The ring finger islocated on the left hand, the only finger next to the pinky. It should be anyway, if she has six fingers, guess what? You have found what we call a "keeper".



So now that you are aware of the unwritten legalities, its time to figure how to approach one, right? Wrong! You probably stink, and haven't shaven for a week or so. And you plan on wearing one of your old concert t-shirts out to the bar to pick her up? Ladies love it when you dress like a bum…..not. Its time to prepare yourself.

Hygiene is No. 1 Bad breathe and body odor will never get you anything other than a laugh. Spend that extra time in the shower, do not cover your stench with cologne. You actually have to wash it off with soap and hot water. Try extending your shower time 5 minutes, if the smell hasn't gone away, lather…rinse…repeat. You can learn a lot by reading those small labels on your showering products.

Image helps
Remember, your trying to grab attention, but not in anarrogant self-absorbed way. Don't be afraid to pride yourself in that luscious V of hair that extends from your chest pubes down to your ballfro', but leave your sister's cosmetics in her drawer. There is no reason for any guy going out to the bar to wear eyeliner, now should you take 10 minutes deciding if you want to wear your dark blue or darker blue jeans. Pick a clean pair of pants, a shirt without wrinkles, cleanboxers and socks. Treat yourself as a car. She's going to check you over real quick, but if she doesn't like what she sees(bad hygiene and dirty laundry), she isn't going to test drive the car.

Confidence So you look good, smell good….so fresh and so clean. You got your wallet, what else do you need? How about your self-confidence? A little confidence goes a LONG way. Just leave your ego in your wallet, next to your condom that you've had since prom when you were supposed to get laid but didn't. When the time is right, you'll know where these items are. But in the meantime, keep it under wraps. Unless your an doucher by nature, then go ahead and do your thing. But most women prefer a nice, friendly guy over this other guy. The ones who drink themselves into a coma before bar close, and think they are going home with every chick at the bar. They stumble into people moments before face-planting through a table and on to the ground.

Inner Pimp/Star Player Self explanatory, DO NOT confuse this with the aforementioned ego. This is the last thing you need to do before you get in the mindset of the evening. Whatever inspires you to feel like you can do anything, do it. Be it listening to "We're Not Going To Take It" by Twisted Sister, taking some shots of liquid courage, or headbutting a random person. You need to amp yourself up.



You got the facts, and now your at a bar. To your credit you haven't been this well dressed since your Grandpa's funeral. Now is the time to make your move….but wait, how are you going to do this? There are so many ways to approach this situation, and no answer is really the right one. Its all about a comfort level, and what works best for you. Undoubtedly, you will be denied, it happens. But with risk comes reward. And that reward can be UBER tasty. Which one will you go for, the Cougar or the MILF? Here are some helpful reminders:

* Cougars like to go for lone game. This basically means, at some point if you see that certain someone looking, make yourself available to the attack. Either approach her when she is alone, or get up to the bar and order two drinks making sure one of them is whatever she was drinking.

* The appletini you would never drink, but for some reason"your friend gave you money for it", and just happens to be what shehas been drinking all night is a perfect way of saying "I enjoy gettingmauled by Cougars".

* Unless you noticed her showing photos of her children to her friends, seeking out a MILF can be a task. Usually it happens by accident, or maybe it slips out in conversation. Your chances, undoubtedly, will be better with a Cougar.
* You do know for sure, that if shes a MILF, she was at least willing to knock boots once. You show me a MILF thats drinking at a bar, who smokes, is willing to hook up for one night, and ill show you a good time.

So whether you seek romance, new experiences, or one night stands, just remember that all of these things can be had with MILFs and Cougars. The great thing about life is choices. And with two choices like MILFs and Cougars, I often wonder if we really need any others.