So, you're the reason your parents still cry at night, or better yet, the reason they're divorced?  Here's your chance to confess your regrets to the world and clear your conscious.  It might not make your parents feel any better, but you don't care about them anyway, you selfish bastard you!  Email your submissions to ImSorryMomAndDad[at]

I'm sorry mom and dad for the time the fire alarm went off at 2am and you found me passed out in my room with the lights, TV, and my shoes still on.  I guess I shouldn't have tried toasting that sandwich in the conventional oven.

I'm sorry mom and dad that you had to lie to the homeowner's association and tell them that my car had been stolen when it was found floating in the neighborhood retention pond.  I just don't think they would have been as sympathetic to the truth, "Red Bull and Vodka."

I'm sorry mom and dad that you had to pay for years of private school because the public school system threatened to put me into classes with the "special needs" children due to my unpredictable behavior.

I'm sorry mom and dad for splitting a liter of rum with some friends before a football game my freshman year of High School, and then throwing up in a friend's car while her mom drove us, only to later lie to you and blame it on a "bad taco salad" that I had ate.  To make matters worse, my friend's dad was my science teacher, and the car in which I puked did in fact belong to him.

I'm sorry mom and dad that I drove 100 miles in the wrong direction on my way home one night after drinking my weight in Jager.  Even after a cop pulled me over and told me to "wait for my safe ride," I only waited for him to leave before I got right back on the road and continued swerving towards my destination.