The international community has issued a statement to Australia expressing their concern over the recent string of racially motivated attacks against Indians in Australia’s southern city of Melbourne (//

“While the international community, of course, condemns all racism, we find some of it to be, well, for lack of a better word, justified,” UN spokesman Larry Davis said.

“Like black people stealing my bike when I was in college and yelling obscenities at my girlfriend while we were walking down the street together,” Davis said.

“The UN understands that that’s a really legitimate reason to hate black people.”

The UN diplomat from Brazil, Luiz Cazuela, added, “And Paraquayans! Anything you buy in Paraguay is cheap and awful. Those people always rip you off.”

The UN council on diplomacy and international relations all nodded thoughtfully in agreement.

“Or how the Americans are all fat and ignorant and think they’re so entitled!” Mexican diplomat Francia Lopez said.

“Here here!” agreed the vast majority of those in attendance of the UN Committee For Equality Amongst All People.

“Or how the Jews own and control everything while drinking the blood of Palestinian children!” the Iranian diplomat added enthusiastically.

“Wow now, that is outlandish racism that will not be tolerated by this committee,” UN spokesman Larry Davis said.

“Shut up Iran,” added the Israeli delegate.

The international community shook their heads in disgust over how despicably racist those women hating Arabs are.

“What the international community has gathered here to ask is, Australia, why Indians?” the New Zealand delegate said.

 “I’m just saying that if I was going to target a specific minority to torture and kill, well Indians aren’t even in the top 10 on my list. They make such delicious curry and fantastic Chai tea!” the New Zealand candidate continued with a heartfelt sigh.

“Man, I could go for a nice Chai tea right now.”

The international community cheered enthusiastically over the idea of some “nice Chai tea” and sent the Mexican delegate out to pick up some for the group.  



Larry Davis said, “We understand that Australia is, in fact, a very secluded island so we’ve taken into consideration that perhaps this recent string of attacks is simply caused by Australians becoming disoriented and confused by anyone who is not a light white color. This could cause them to pour gasoline over darker skinned men walking with their girlfriends at night and lighting them on fire. This is the normal human biological response to new skin colors we’ve never seen before. “

Australian Tim Colebatch, an editor at Melbourne Age, writes, “Mr Garg [the Indian student first killed in this recent string of violent attacks] has become another victim of our epidemic of alcohol abuse, our tolerance of extreme violence in films and screen games – and yes, of the Romper Stomper racism that seems to live on among teenagers in the western suburbs, now directed against Indians instead of Vietnamese."

“Romper Stomper was a sweet movie though,” Colebatch continued.

The international community would like to encourage Australians to evaluate their reasons for hating Indians and see if they can come to terms with the fact that it’s a “pretty silly” group to hate.

The international community would also like to point out to Australia that there are almost endless Asian immigrants in Australia who are practically “taking over everything in the country.”

Also, there are still plenty of Aborigines doing drugs while living off of hard working Australians in slums all over the country.

“Not that we’re condemning racism against either of these groups. We’re just saying, it would make a little more sense to everyone in the international community,” Davis said.

“Asians never even tip,” Davis added. “Just saying.”

As of press time, the UN Committee for Equality Amongst All People was still anxiously awaiting their chai tea order.

“Those Mexicans are never on time for anything.”