Dear New Massachusetts Senator Scott Brown,
First things first I just wanted to congratulate you on your win over the Democrats in the state of Massachusetts. Okay now that formalities are out of the way I have just one thing to say:
WHAT THE HELL MAN!
Now don’t go throwing away this piece of hate mail just yet. I'm not trying to yell at you for not supporting health care I'm just upset because now thanks to you health care wont ever get passed, which means no other bills in waiting will get passed either.
Valentines day is coming up and ever since the summer of 2003 myself and Senator Tom Harkin (D) Iowa have been eagerly awaiting the passage of Senate Bill 01001: The Humanoid Girlfriend Regulatory Act. I was so excited that with a democratic Congress we would finally be able to pass this bill to regulate and manufacture robot girlfriends. Then you had to come and fuck it up. Senator Brown and I have a whole warehouse full of these robot girlfriends and now we can never sell them to fellow lonely people.
I even had a name picked out for mine you inconsiderate douche! Her name was going to be LaTronica. Yeah, that’s right she is named for both my love of the classic movie Tron and after my mother Latrice V. And before you say anything: no that is not weird. Look I'm willing to try and pass a bill to regulate robot girlfriends did you really think I didn’t have some mom issues.
Moving on Senator Brown. I could have also at this very moment stepped into my own time machine and went back in time to convince you not to run for senator but oh wait now I cant because some asshole isn’t going to let the 2007 Time Travel Ethics Bill go to the Senate floor. Thanks a lot asshole. Now anybody can just go back in time and mess life up for everyone. Also thanks to you we just lost a very potentially profitable industry: Prehistoric Big Game Hunting.
It would be just like the short story A Sound of Thunder. You just pay the company a sum of money and go back in time and kill some already marked dinosaurs. There’s the solution to this economy problem right there! AND YOU RUINED IT. You stepped on these beautiful butterflies of bills and now we're all screwed
Enjoy that new office of yours while I enjoy having no robot girlfriend for Valentines Day
Disgruntled Lonely Guy