It's the Thursday before Valentine's Day, which means you only have four days left to guarantee you get laid on Sunday. Luckily, I'm here with a day-by-day breakdown of what you should be doing.

In The Bag:  Stop by CVS or Rite-Aid on your way home from work and snag some wrapping equipment.  I know it’s lame, but it’ll make your present look all pretty!  And I know that’s what you care about most.

I Got Carded: While you’re in CVS or Rite-Aid, grab a card.  Leave the super sappy ones to her dad and grandparents and just go standard.  If you need help remembering her name, it’s on her license.

Home Clean Home:  After returning from CVS (or Rite-Aid), straighten up your apartment.  Don’t worry – unless your girlfriend has a tiny dog and only wears Chanel, there’s no way she is expecting the whole ‘rose petals leading to the bed’ treatment.  Just get rid of the moldy sandwiches leading to the bed treatment.