It's been an entire week since your last confession and there's been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don't forget to submit your misdeeds to our submission page!
Alex E., School Not Given
Hey Jesse, remember when we were in Iraq and you worked a different shift than the rest of us and you hit the snooze on your alarm instead of turning it off when you left so that it would go off every 10 min over and over again. You also would leave your dip spit bottles all over the place and never cleaned up and I don't understand how you went 6 months without sheets on that nasty ass bed. Well I told you several times that you left the alarm on and you just kept leaving it on anyways. Well when your cell phone broke (the alarm was on the phone) and I said it must have been from the dust or something, I really put it in a bowl of water for an hour or so to make sure it was dead. And when sunflower seeds mysteriously started appearing in your bed it was because Matt and I were trying to throw them in your mouth as you slept. Oh ya and when I found out you had a removable tooth I did some covert ops and stole it when you were sleeping and wiped it on every nasty surface I could. I hope next time you deploy you give everyone else a little common courtesy.
Irnotpatwic Brown, Baghdad U
Hey Moustacha, (Yeah, we called you that behind your back due to your profuse moustache. It wouldn't be so bad if you didn't happen to be a girl) You used my things CONSTANTLY, like when you removed my TV off my table and moved it so you could watch it from bed, and even ate my food and lied about it. When you didn't clean out the microwave I so graciously shared with you after your countless episodes of exploded whatever-you-eat, I decided enough was enough. I super glued EVERY SINGLE last one of your food items shut: the
peanut butter, your milk, even super glued your chips and all of your popcorn bags back to back. I hope you aren't embarrassed by the condoms I filled with lotion and tossed into your Church Choir robes after you destroyed my rug with your food stains. Take care!
Rachel G, NDSU
I was the worst roommate ever! I was messy, whiny, ate all your food. I stayed up all night watching TV and never was really concerned if you got enough sleep. I used your shampoo and conditioner, borrowed money, and got pissed if you didn't buy me fast food when you got some. I was a total miserable mess. I constantly complained about my life and never took your help and advice. After reading all of these confessions I REALLY hope you never got back at me. Because I really deserved it. I was a total ass and you were really cool. I have grown up and kind of wish I could do it all over again, but I can't stop thinking about what things you may have done to me LOL.
Ernie Hend, University Of Central Arkansas
I know you got so drunk last night that you peed all over the kitchen floor. My, it was fun stepping into the house, switching on the light and realize I was paddling. It's cool though, I got it all up; with your favorite jumper. Who knew cashmere was so absorbent?
Ellie L., University of Manchester
So I lived in this nasty dump house in college that could be considered less than standard for human habitation. I made things worse for the all the roommates by destroying the upstairs bathroom (which happened to be the party bathroom). As I was taking a piss one afternoon, I knocked a scissors into the toiled after taking an exceptionally dark-yellow hang-over piss. I didn't want to grab it, so I just flushed. It went down fine, but afterward caused some serious plumbing problems. I blamed it on random party patrons and 120 year old plumbing. I apologize for the smell and carnage that resulted during keggers. Sorry guys. We moved out and moved on right? In my defense the offending toilet was right across from my bedroom.
Bruce Regan, U of M Duluth
My first choice of college sucked. I didn't like the school, and my suit mates sucked. Kept me up all night with their drunk friends, than yelled when I played video games on the weekends. So I moved out after the first semester. Before I left though, I opened the window, since the room smelled like 4 guys had been living in it for a few months. Well a few weeks later, I found a message on facebook from one of them. Turns out they had left some food out over the vacation and some squirrels had taken to living in the room. Seems the rodents decided the room made a good bathroom, if their complaints where anything to go by. Sorry guys, but at least it wasn't birds!
John F., School Not Given
Hey man, it was me that got drunk and snuck into your room that night, covered the walls with all your post-it notes and then glued your dvds to the roof. Sorry about that.
Sam C., School Not Given
Hey remember that one night where everyone got super drunk and the girls had their tops off and I was snappin' pictures of you but promised never to show? Well now they're all over the internet. Maybe next time you won't move out without warning while I'm at work you pill popping bitch!
Jake S., FSU
I'm the guy who was turning off my upstairs neighbors circuit breaker from last week. They must read CH, because they left a note on the breaker box. I have a feeling this is going to get ugly. My next plan of action is to call the landlord and tell him not to let anyone park in the garage, because I have been getting headaches from the fumes. Oh, my upstairs neighbor loves to park in the garage. If they don't play nice, I've got a million more ways to legally make their life hell. I feel bad for the dude, cause he's nice. But there can be no friends in war! Charge bitches!
Joshua Katz, University of Cincinnati