The excitement of it all is overwhelming. The preparation, the planning, and the premeditation behind every detail are daunting. The anticipation has been building up for years.

The hours committed to one goal; the mind games, the fighting, the competition.

The tears, the joy, the willpower to stick to it.

Sure, the Olympics are cool, but even lifelong dreams can be put on pause…when Lost is on!

Here’s what went down this week, in a specially-equipped van:

In Plane Dimension, Locke is still with Peg Bundy, to whom he is engaged. He bailed on his work convention is Australia, and Randy fires him. Hugo – who owns the company – hooks him up with a temp agency where Rose (that’s right) works. He decides to accept his life as is, and he starts subbing at an elementary school where Ben (that’s right!) works. In Island Dimension, Locke/Monster lets Richard out of a trap and tempts him with the old “I’ll tell you everything” trick. In the jungle, L/M sees a creepy little boy who tells him to play by the rules. Meanwhile, Ilana, Sun, Frank and Ben bury Locke's body before they head to the temple. L/M gets a drunk Sawyer from the run down Dharma barracks and brings him to a cave on the face of a cliff, where Jacob had written everyone’s names on the cave walls. L/M tells Sawyer that he can take over Jacob’s job, or get the Eff off the island. He decides to do the latter.

 

Here’s what we learn:

 

1. “Don’t tell me what I can’t do!” Hey, Smoke Monster! That’s Locke’s jam!

2. Smoke Monster was once a real man – or at least, he says he was. Or rather, it says he was. He’s also “stuck” as Locke. He can’t just morph into anyone now.

3. Randy’s still a douche in this world.

4. Just because you have Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin in a commercial, doesn’t mean the commercial has any comedic values whatsoever.

5. Jacob never told Richard what was going on. But that doesn’t mean that L/M is trustworthy either.

6. If there’s one thing I learned from Goonies, it’s that when you’re in a cave near the ocean, do not take anything off of a scale. THAT’S FOR WILLIE.

7. Our islanders were chosen to be on the island because they are “candidates” for possible successor to Jacob.

8. L/M is recruiting people.

9. Ilana is upset that her buddies are dead. She wants to make it to the temple, and btdubs- she knows that Sun is looking for her husband, Jin.

10. Ilana took some of Jacob’s ashes. Is there going to be some freaky resurrection shit going down?

11. I think we’ve seen the “walk slowly down the hall of this Dharma house and be surprised when you see who’s in the room at the end of the hall” move about 37 times.

12. According to Richard, L/M wants to kill everybody. That makes sense, since it seems he would want to kill anyone who succeeds Jacob.

13. Ben is a real stickler about that coffee pot. GREAT SCENE.

14. Only on Lost would someone’s murderer give their eulogy. Or maybe on the Real Housewives. Those bitches are crazy.

15. Holy Crap, that little kid was creepy.

16. Mad props to Sawyer’s stunt double. Nice fall!

17. We learned the huge detail that explains one of the main questions of Lost, which is: WHY ARE THEY HERE? But other than that, not a ton of new info this week. I was getting a little bit of information-blue-balls there. I’d like a few more tidbits next week, or I’m going to get cranky and call you a cocktease.