An organized list detailing what goes through our heads before, during, and after we do the deed with you.

1. I just wanted to kiss, but, okay, I guess your erection runs things around here. At least I’m pretty horny. Probably going to orgasm this time. Maybe if I’m optimistic, it’ll actually happen!

2. Whoah, let me catch up, baby. Takes us a little longer to get ready, okay? Not our faults. Just use your hand, yeah that’s nice, well, slower, softer, JESUS. Maybe if I moan a little when you do something right, you’ll understand?

3. Oh shit, accidentally moaned out of pain. Yeah, you think I like this? You’re an idiot. SLOWER. Thank you.

4. What’s there to look at on the ceiling? Look at me. You’re pleasuring ME. Yes, yes, I’m well aware you’re only doing this so we can have sex, don’t pretend you’re not. Just get the lube.

5. Okay, better, cool. I’m into this.

6. Oh, that’s nice. Really nice. On my way to an ORGASM?!!

7. False alarm, but it feels great I swear.

8. I hope your neighbors can’t hear me. But they totally know what’s going on, your bed is so fucking loud. You don’t care, but you don’t know the looks I get when I leave in the morning.

9. Stop hiding your face in my neck and kiss me. Let’s at least pretend this is really romantic.

10. Mmm. Feeling really nice again. YES. Oh that’s weird. That’s really weird, but keep going. I don’t know why I want you to keep going because it’s pretty uncomfortable, but I like it. I think it’s supposed to feel weird when you’re hitting the g-spot, right? I think I read that somewhere. Mmm. Keep going. KEEP GOING. I’m totally going to orgasm. Yes, yes, keep going, yes!

11. Why is it whenever I say KEEP GOING, you don’t? I don’t understand why that makes you come. That should make you think, I’m so determined to make her come, I’m not going to, but no, just let loose your load. It’s cool.

12. No, I didn’t orgasm. But I was really close, I think. I’ll just say that to make you feel guilty. Use your hand again, yes, thanks. I wouldn’t mind if you went down on me, but now I'm feeling bad for not being able to orgasm quicker, I'd feel bad asking. So your hand will just have to do.

13. WHAT? You’re tired? TOO BAD. Get back to work.

14. Next time? But that’s what you said last time!

15. FINE. Whatever. I’ll probably orgasm next time.