In the beginning, Adam, you know, THE Adam, was sitting by a river in the garden of wherever. Adam was an optimist, because nothing was bad. And when everything's good, you tend to be a little positive.
On this particular day, Adam was deciding what his last name should be. And when he had finally decided on Adam Sexy, God came up to him.

"Hello Adam" said God.
"Hi God! I'm Adam Sexy now." said Adam.
"Well of course you are, I've created you in my own image." said God. "Now listen, I gotta talk to you about some stuff. I'm going to make a woman for you, out of this rock, and this piece of cheese."
"Well why don't you use one of my ribs?" said Adam, happily as ever.

"You rib? That's messed up" said God, creating a pinstriped suit and putting it in his car.

"Naah naah, I got too many ribs anyway. I insist." said Adam adjusting his groin-leaf.

"If you insist", said God. "She'll take six to eight weeks to reach, I'll have someone come by later to pick up the rib"

Origins Of Pessimism:

Six to eight weeks later. Adam was sitting by the river, with a chunk of apple stuck in his throat.

Eve: Look its forbidden fruit, it was such a cliché.

Adam Sexy: You know I have this strange feeling about things to come.

Eve: (rolls her eyes)Oh here we go.

Adam Sexy: Like…things don't always turn out so well.

Eve: Who said they did?

Adam Sexy: But they always did before.

Eve: (mumble about being stuck with a douche bag) Look, pass that half-empty leaf glass. I have to wash this snakeskin bag I made.

Adam Sexy: Half what?

Eve: Meh. I'm going to get it on my own. Adam. Sexy, apparently.

Adam Sexy: you know this apple thing is getting irritating.

Eve: You should have seen it coming.

Adam Sexy: How was I supposed to know something bad was going to happen? Nothing bad's ever happened before.

Eve: Because something bad always happens. Keep that in mind.


(FYI: I'm not christian, but I know all this because Christianity has excellent marketing.)?