I time traveled.

The smoke monster got me. 

I got lost in the jungle.

I was out looking for Jin.

The Others got me.

I died. Then I came back to life. 

It wasn’t me. It was the smoke monster PRETENDING to be me.

I was busy deciding between Sawyer and Jack.

 

OK. So, there’s no excuse for me missing my Lost column last week. But not to worry! I’m back!

 

Here’s what went down this week, in a dirty baseball:

In Plane Dimension, Nadia is married to Sayid’s brother, who got mixed up with some organized crime guys (including Widmore’s mercenary Martin Keamy!) over a debt. They fuck up Sayid’s brother and kidnap Sayid, who – despite his will to become a “better man” – kills Keamy and escapes. But not before finding Jin(!) tied up in a freezer. On the island, per Locke/Smoke Monster, Claire goes to the temple, where John Lennon and crew put her in a Silence of the Lambs-esque hole. Kate tries to rescue her. Dogen and Sayid have a badass fight, and at the last minute, Dogen decides to ban him. Then he changes his mind, and asks Sayid to kill L/SM. Instead L/SM sends Sayid back to everyone at the temple with a message: Jacob’s dead. Leave the temple by sundown, or you’re dead. Frank, Sun, and Ilana make it to the temple. Sayid kills Dogen and John Lennon and Smoke Monster comes in and fucks shit up. Then L/SM gathers out front with his new recruits, and Kate’s like, “WTF?”

 

Here’s what we learn:

  1. First, a note about last week’s episode, when we learned WHAT THE NUMBERS ARE. FINALLY! I got some comments about not including that we learned what the numbers meant two episodes ago. But I didn’t think we really knew. We just saw numbers next to names, but they still had no value. Now, at least we know that those numbers correlate to degrees on a giant wheel in the lighthouse. This is the closest we’ve come to the numbers having some substance. That is, they represent a value of some sort – even if that value is just degrees in a circle. 
  2. Claire seems just dandy in that hole.
  3. Why did I miss my column last week? Why don’t you watch the next few episodes of Parks and Recreation on NBC and find out? THURSDAYS at 8:30!
  4. Dogen the Temple Master worked at a bank and was recruited by Jacob after accidentally killing his son in a drunk driving accident. Jacob assured him that his son would live, but he could never see him again.
  5. Similarly, L/SM offered Sayid the chance to have his deceased love, Nadia, back. 
  6. God Bless the continuity person on Lost. Hardest job ever. 
  7. Comedicly, and logistically, that Old Spice Body Wash commercial is pretty impressive. 
  8. Claire IS, in fact, evil. Yet, some of the old her still remains. She does ask L/SM “Will you hurt them?”
  9. Miles tells Sayid that he was dead for two hours. Guess Sayid hadn’t really realized that. 
  10. What’s with the, “Don’t shoot her!” when Claire walks in to the temple? Don’t they want her dead? Don’t they think she’s evil? Is it that they can’t kill her in the temple? Or they can’t kill her at all?
  11. The Others who didn’t die at the temple left in time. They are now L/SM recruits. This includes our stewardess and kids. 
  12. I’m noticing more and more recap comments for viewers who aren’t caught up. i.e. Sayid saying to Dogen, “You brought me in here, you hooked me up to this machine, you told me I did not pass a test, etc.” Well, duh Some Dogen subtitles!
  13. Ben and Miles had pointless appearances just to remind the audience “I’m here too!”
  14. Don’t ever tell Claire that you raised her son. BIG faux-pas.
  15. Evidently, you’ve got to stab L/SM in the heart BEFORE he speaks in order to kill him. I love rules! Like in Zombie or Werewolf movies!
  16. L/SM is “free” because Jacob is dead. 
  17. In Plane Dimension, Sayid can’t be with Nadia because “he doesn’t deserve her.” But c’mon, man! She loves you!!!
  18. Jack cameo in hospital!
  19. SUN and JIN! SO CLOSE!!!! CAN’T WAIT!!!!