It's been an entire week since your last confession and there's been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don't forget to submit your misdeeds to our submission page!
Danielle H., Southwestern University
I recently roomed with my best friend. I thought it would be fun to pull a prank on him while he slept. I decided to drag him into the shower and turn the water to cold. I found out that day that he sleeps naked.
Travis M, UND
Imagine Jabba the Hut and Princess Leia had some bastard emo child. That's my roommate. All she does is sit on her bed and eat, then gets up and stinks up the toilet. And then complains, complains, complains! She hasn't once brushed her teeth, rarely showers, and photoshops pictures of herself
on websites so she can text random boys from the internet to get them to send pictures of their penises to her. Since she is always sleeping (at least 23h a day, and the rest of the time she is doing above) I have to do my work in the dark and she bitches out on me for waking her up sometimes. So for the past 2 months I've intentionally been having sex with my boyfriend early every Thursday morning, so she can lie there listening too us and are sex noises. It's worth it even if she bitches me out about it later.
Rachel McCallum, School Not Given
JM, remember that time you hadn't paid me for rent or bills because of your out of control drug habit in four months and I was still trying to be your friend since everyone else had obviously dropped out of contention? Well about this time we were riding in my car (yours never had gas in it) and you picked up a big cup of boiled peanuts from my cupholder and asked if you could have some. With a tiny bit of hesitation I said "Of course bro
eat 'em all". And you did. You were pretty fucked up so you probably didn't notice me glaring at you out of my periph and giggling like a little kid. Well, this was because I had bought those peanuts to eat
three days earlier and since I had my fill of them and with half the cup empty and leaving room for something else I decided to use it as a spitter. Yes, those sweet cajun slow-cooked boiled peanuts were marinated in my dip-spit. And not a few short spats, but THREE DAYS worth of intense, Skoal induced black tar tobacco loooooogies. I hope that wasn't the reason your stomach was fucked up for four days afterwards, but maybe it was the cocktail of drugs you were on. Of course had you not been high as a kite on everyone else's money all the time maybe you would've noticed the saturated peanuts in dip-spit. Or maybe I wouldn't have let you eat my gut-wrenching spit. But I did. Cheers.
Mike Williams, VSU
Okay, so a few months back me and a few friends were having a party at our house. The night was going well and we were all having a good time just socializing. Then out of nowhere we hear someone screaming outside. All the sudden the door comes flying open and to our surprise it was one of my three roommates. I think he was high on acid with a mixture of hard liquor or something because he shot right past us and into the back yard yelling about how he was being chased by a ninja. He actually tried to hop the fence and run through a neighbor's yard. Me and two other guys ran out and restrained him and had to devote the rest of the night to watch him. The party ended and we were all pissed, me especially because I'm pretty sure I was gonna get laid. A few days later me and a buddy decided to get even with him. We went to a cos-play store and bought an outfit that looked a lot like a ninja outfit and borrowed a couple swords from another friend. He came home after a long day of classes and of course got drunk so we jumped out of the closet when he least expected it and swung at him while purposely missing him and hitting the couch and lamps. He freaked out and ran outside and called the cops. We got off with a warning and he thankfully moved out. The parties are a lot better now.
Josh Robertson, Western Oregon University
One day I had the runs and as I was in the dorm stall doing my thing, I noticed that my roommate had forgotten his jacket on the back of the door. So naturally I went through his pockets. I found a stack of study cards for his bio class so I wiped my ass with one of them and stuck it back in the pile. He's a good guy, I guess I'm just a dick. Sorry man.
Mikie Wexler, Syracuse
You stuck a fork in my blender. You bought my boyfriend a duck and 53 goldfish. You took exactly 204 naked pictures of yourself with my camera. You almost killed my hedgehog. You bought us a hamster then lost it. You steal my clothes. You made a tireswing in our apartment (which was actually f*cking amazing but still) and you completely covered a wall in packing peanuts and then told me it was installation art, and you have recently decided you're a Mormon Scientologist. So I feel totally fine just redecorating your room to make you believe you were in hell when you pass out. And then locking you in there for 48 hours. It's not my fault you're retarded.
Emma Sprague, School Not Given
The first semester of my senior year I lived with the biggest two-faced, dirty, lying, whore to ever reside in Tallahassee. Well, this bitch made it a daily habit of getting completely wasted and bringing random guys home to have obnoxiously loud sex with 'til 4 am. Not exactly the worst thing in the world, but I had really tough classes at 8 am. I asked her nicely, and on several occasions, to keep the noise down but she never did. These guys would raid the refrigerator, throw up and/or piss on the bathroom floor one guy stole my textbooks and another even stole some of my DVDs! So I would wait for her & the random guy to get up to her room and then go outside and take a picture of his vehicle in our driveway, have my brother (a police officer) look up his registration & fax me a picture of his drivers license. I managed to snap a few pictures of her making out with these random guys in our living room. Her drunk ass also let me videotape her talking about how much she liked to drink & party and thanking her grandfather for "contributing to her alcohol fund every month" & thanking God that she hadn't gotten a DUI yet since she drove drunk so often. After I had a good 20 of these pieces of evidence assembled (which only took about a month since she's such a nasty slut) I mailed them to her long-distance boyfriend and her grandparents. She got dumped, her grandparents cut her off, and I moved out. She cried to all our friends about how evil I was for what I did and how the whole ordeal caused her to fail two classes that semester but nobody gave her any sympathy. They all thought my plan was genius and she got what she deserved.
Anonymous Seminole, FSU
My roommate has a severe case of voice immodulation syndrome. I've lost some serious sleep over this bitch and her need to talk loudly and incessantly to my other roommate when I'm trying to sleep. Not to mention, she's dumb, has a shitty personality, talks about nothing but gossip, and has the most obnoxious manly laugh I've ever heard. Well, she got mono from being such a slut and wants me and my other roommates to wait on her hand and foot. So the other day when she asked me to maker her ramen noodles, I swallowed a few and regurgitated them back into the bowl. BITCH.
Maria G., School Not Given
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