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Mario: Is there a problem, officer?
Cop: Quite a few, actually. First off, you're speeding.
Mario: I'm trying to win a race.
Cop: Illegal street racing on the wrong side of the highway?
Mario: Well when you put it like that
Cop: And littering. That banana peel you threw back there caused an accident.
Mario: Yeah, about the banana. Wario was all up in my sh*t so I had to send him packing.
Cop: I'll also have to write you up for endangering a child.
Mario: Oh, because I've got Baby Luigi with me? He's fine. Not a bad racer himself.
you let the baby drive for you?
Mario: It's not a big deal. If he careens off a cliff, that flying turtle guy will pull us out with his fishing pole.
Did you take any drugs before you started driving today, sir?
Mario: No, but I picked up some mushrooms while I was driving today.
Cop: Sir, step out of the car.
Mario: Listen, officer. Maybe we can work something out. How about a hundred gold coins?
Cop: I'm not taking bribes! And where the hell did you get so much gold!?
Mario: I punched a bunch of bricks.
Cop: Step. Out. Of. The. Car.
Mario: Fine. But not finishing this race is going to kill my chances at the Star Cup. You're practically handing it to Donkey Kong.
Mario: He's a gorilla.
Cop: You were racing a gorilla?
Mario: And various dinosaur mutants. Also, more babies.