Okay, so most people try to talk to other people or whatever to get to know them. Little do they know, all you have to do is look under their profile picture and translate that little code in the parentheses next to where it says View Photos of ____ (###). I'm going to tell you what those numbers actually mean:

Number of Photos: 0
Meaning: You're an Idiot 


Why do you have a Facebook? You clearly are not paying attention to it and are just taking up a spot on somebody's list of friends. Upload a picture, or GTFO. Also, notice girls never have that "blank" picture? Every girl in the world has a picture of herself on her computer.

Number of Photos: 1
Meaning: You Hate Yourself

Oh, looks like you were bored once and you just up and made a Facebook! How bout that!? Good thing you uploaded that picture…oh, wait, that's not you. That's a South Park version of you! How hilarious! Clearly you don't want people to know what you really look like so you've transformed yourself! If you go outside ever…make sure to untag all those photos people take of the REAL you.

Number of Photos: 52
Meaning: You Don't Get Out Enough to Prove You Have Friends

52, hey, that's pretty good. We're getting up there. Looks like 8 of those are from your own private "Photo Booth" photo shoot. 26 are from that family reunion. 14 are from graduation pictures you snuck in to. And the rest are you in the background of the party asking "When are we leaving?" Let's face it, if there were more pictures of you, maybe we'd believe you had friends. But it looks more like the people that took these pictures didn't know you were there until you tracked them down and tagged yourself.

Number of Photos: 355
Meaning: You Are Somewhat Normal

Ok, so clearly you have friends that exist. These photos are in 10+ locations. You're even wearing a different shirt in most of them. This is a good number of pictures to have. It makes you look like you go out, but not too much. The only downside to this number could be the length of time you've had Facebook. 3 years? Pretty good…you have a good consistency. 3 months? Look out…


Number of Photos: 1,031
Meaning: You Are Very Close To Becoming A Whore

Quadruple digits. Ok, missus…nobody wants to look at you in a different pose over 1,000 times. But relax, you're not a whore…yet. Statistics have shown that girls get a boost in photos their freshman year in college, what with all the new friends you meet and old friends tagging you in memory photos, not to mention all the new places you end up going. This is a solid number for a girl. For guys, you don't want a girl who's always out, but you also don't want a girl who will make your hand hurt when you're….you know…..clicking through her photos.

Number of Photos: 2,573
Meaning: You, Ma'am, Are A Whore

Wow, that is a lot of fucking photos. If you have more photos than there are years A.D., bitch, you need to cut back on the partying. God damn. You have more photos than Joe DiMaggio had hits….that's fucked up. These are the types of girls that look at pictures they've been tagged in and comment "Ewww" and leave the tag on. Advice: If you think you're ugly in a picture…so does everyone else. Here is what I believe the breakdown of your live looks like: 33% Being in Pictures 33% Thinking of Retarded Photo Album Names and Adding Extra Letters To The End of The Last Worddddddd, 33% Facebook, and 33% School. That's right. I don't believe you know how to add whole numbers. 

Number of Photos: 14,401
Meaning: You Are Either A Company or A Promoter or A Red Plastic Solo Cup
If you're a company, that's cool. It's a good way to promote. A lot of people have Facebook, you can get your name out there. It's kind of annoying, but I get it. If you're a Promoter…hey, good job. Gotta get paid, I see what you're trying to do. Now, if you've made a Facebook for a Red Plastic Solo Cup…you're a genius…someone needs to do that and tag the cup in every picture. If you are an actual person, and you just happen to have this many photos on Facebook….kill yourself….by the time people start to care you're dead….everyone will have caught up to your photo total.